INTJ – Signs We Like You

As you can tell from my previous blog regarding INTJ Females:  INTJ – The INTJ Female.; we are not your average female, we are not the females that society tries to mold us into and to an extent, our mentality is not so much governed by generations of psychological inheritance. We are our own independent thinkers. Henceforth, we tend to seem very unfeminine, aloof and unapproachable – needless to say, we do not flirt like most females (“…what is this flirting thing?..oh? pucker my lips and blink a lot?…are we cat-kissing them? why are we cat-kissing them?…okay, it looks like I have a nervous eye twitch…”)

So, on the topic of how to know whether an INTJ female likes you (those who are interested in us or simply just curious – rejoice!). Via extensive research and through personal knowledge; there are some signs that most INTJ females ‘display’ if we are interested (sorry male INTJs, I do not know whether the following signs applies to you, please let me know in the comments – I am genuinely intrigued).

***Spoiler Signs***

~ We WILL be tuned in to you: We will be tuned in to your voice, your routine and actions and it will not be obvious. Why? Well, because once we decided that we are into you more than anyone else, it could be quite a revelation for us; so, we generally assess the situation and figure out our feelings logically by taking a step back. We will go about our daily routine and be normal around you. The distinction here is that, we will be tuned into your voice, words and actions. Yes, we will observe you without you knowing (it is as if all our senses are heightened and we zoom in onto a target). Our observation stealth means that you can never be sure if we are listening or watching you at all.

~ Awkward silences and stilted conversations: Okay…so this is nothing new, we are pretty bad at conversating to begin with, we have had a fair few of conversation silences. The difference is that, the silence is awkward; hear me out, it may sound silly but we INTJs are pretty content with silence and we have learned to take comfort in it, BUT, once we actually try to make conversation (which ends up as small talk -cringes-), the awkward silence hits us like a boulder. We WANT to talk to you, we do not know what to talk about but we want to talk to you.

So now we are rummaging through our brain, closing and opening our cabinets of interests and information – comparing it to your interests etc in an effort to create a deep and meaningful conversation (it is like a mini brain war zone). Yups, 15 minutes has already gone by due to our over thinking and analyzing. Hello awkward silences. If however, a conversation had already started or about to end; we will try to keep it going by asking a lot of questions (if any), whilst that person is answering, we will listen as well as go back into our mind to pull out theories, conflicts, facts, pros and cons regarding the topic to make it last. Again, hello stilted conversations. The above makes us look like we are not interested, when in fact, it is the complete opposite.

*side note: whilst we are already in a mini war-zone and being a major awkward turtle; we subconsciously build a profile of you in our mind based on your answers and thoughts to see whether we are compatible. Yes, we asks questions with different connotations behind them to collect the desired information to go into your portfolio :) *

~ Blunt truth and dark humour: If we like you after assessing you as a person, we will just lay our dark sense of humour onto you as well as telling you the stone cold truth if you asked for it, or if we observed something deceitful etc etc. We want you to know what we are about. Harsh and truthful with a warped sense of humour (…for a female anyway).


~ Deliberate interaction: Normally, INTJs tends to avoid humans, however, if it is confirmed (in our heads after much deliberation) that you are an interesting and awesome individual, we will make an effort to interact with you; even though we dislike small talk and social connections/ interactions. How is it deliberate? (besides the obvious where we try to talk to you), remember how we are tuned in to you? well, we take our intentionally absorbed fact file of you and, for example, if we heard that you like certain types of food – we will bring that food in for you the next day, we may also observe what time you leave for lunch – we will have our lunch 5 minutes after you leave, we will also know what time you go into the kitchen to make tea etc. Also, if we are comfortable around you, we may man-punch you as a sign of affection. If you are observant enough, this sign of interest from us can be spotted quite easily……, you may notice that…we are kind of a stalker too (with good intent).


“I like you”

“…are you sure you want an INTJ to like you? because we are creepy” – Geomeun Goyangi (A.K.A – me).

~ INTJ female becomes the peacock: This is probably the ‘flirting style’ that most female adhere to – we dress up feminine; or kind of feminine (more feminine than we are used to). Now we do not transition from a being a vampire to a fairy, “NO”, we simply wear more fitted clothing or smarter clothing to show off our sense of style and body. We might actually find ourselves buying new clothes too (online) – we will go feminine where it is just about bearable (no skimpy skirts, stilettos, push-up bra, make-up etc)

*side note: each INTJs to their own, not all of us have the same sense of style and we all interpret ‘bearable femininity’ clothing, aesthetics etc differently.*

~ Time delegations: We, INTJs, know the importance of time, our time as well as our self-worth. We do not want to be investing our time and our minds into people we vaguely like or don’t like. Therefore, if we spend time with you, it means we like you enough. If we are busy and decides to make time for you in our time of anti-socializing – it means we like you. INTJs value themselves and their time immensely, which is why if we don’t meet worthy people of our time; we will either be at home or somewhere anti-social. Being in our own company is important to us by nature, it is how we recharge ourselves and we sometimes love nothing more than when a ‘hangout or meetup’ is cancelled.


There you have it, some of our ‘secrets’ are out of the bag.

I must say though, you got to be quite observant to pick these indicators up. It is likely that an INTJ is highly self-aware of their actions that they tone themselves down before anyone can start noticing their behaviors.

So, have you matched any of these actions to some of your friends?

Are you going to? Feel free to ‘like’, ‘share’ and to leave a comment!

I hope this blog was interesting and informative for you! Love (not in a creepy way) Geomeun Goyangi ^-^

Also, here is a new INTJ series that I’ve just started :) happy watching~


***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***



  1. Sam J · February 19, 2016

    As a male INTJ I fee like most of these apply to myself also!


    • geomeungoyangi66 · February 19, 2016

      Thank you for your comment Sam! Maybe INTJ male and female style of “flirting” are not so different after all. It would be interesting to observe an INTJ male or female who is interested in someone :D


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  3. ebbasage · April 8, 2016

    I am an INTJ female, married to an INTJ man. If I flirted with him, he wouldn’t notice and if he did he’d wonder what was wrong with me. Incidentally, this has zero impact on our love life, which is fabulous, so flirting isn’t really that necessary ;0)


    • geomeungoyangi66 · April 8, 2016

      Hi Ebbasage, thats’ nice to hear! Also, most of these signs are regarding the initial reaction before a relationship, regardless of whatever the other persons ‘types’ are :)

      Thanks for your comment =^-^=

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ben · September 13

    As an INTJ male, I am absolutely and entirely oblivious to flirting girls. I had some random girl hug me once. (Hugs are horrible) After she hugged me, someone had to explain to me that she was flirting. Apparently, she had been flirting with me all week, yet I didn’t even recognize her. Poor girl.

    People who know me well, point out when girls flirt with me because they know that I don’t have a clue.

    Having a crush on a girl is extremely different for me than it is for most people. I have had a crush on a girl before, but she was not… (let’s just say that she was attractive, but from what I could observe, she was not the kind of person that I would want to marry. Yeah. Marry.) ….so I was perfectly capable of ignoring the fact that I had a crush on her.

    My thought process went something like this. “I am not going to get emotionally invested in a girl that I do not intend on having a permanent and meaningful relationship with.”

    Robot much? Not robotics, rationality.

    Liked by 1 person

    • geomeungoyangi66 · September 15

      Ahahaha XD It’s weird how we don’t have the ability to recognize faces even when a person is around us for some time. Hugging isn’t the best flirting technique unless you are already interested. Going by what you put, a high 5 might have sufficed XD

      About your marriage comment, yeah, maybe it’s just how we are wired. I find myself thinking ahead to the future too, whether someone is marriage material, it is like we jump ahead of the boyfriend/girlfriend stage because we “know” what we are looking for or deserve (personality is one of the main criteria whereas looks aren’t). It’s quite daunting to most people as sometimes, we could become slightly intense…no wonder why most INTJs are single. Go all in or not at all.

      I guess our rationality saves us and others from wasting time. However, how helpful is our rationality really? Sometimes, logic prevents us from growing as a person and so we lose out on experience etc. Knowing this…I personally won’t change my thought process (which is exactly how you described it).

      Great comment Ben! It was a fun little read =^-^=


      • Jenkins · December 9

        I find that as an Inpt I have very simmilar traits. I currently have a new Intj female friend. Its odd how we speak the same language sometimes.


        • geomeungoyangi66 · December 9

          Hi Jenkins, that’s pretty cool :) In the future, you two might end up having a conversation just by looking at each other hahahaha~


  5. mbvv · October 30

    I completely agree about our camouflaging techniques. As soon as I realize I like someone, I go full stealth mode. Of course, I, personally, am hyper aware of the way I am acting and notice how much mental attention and awkwardity I am dishing out… but if the person didn’t already know me well, they probably wouldn’t know.

    Conversely, sometimes I’ve been accused of flirting with people simply because I have a brief period of hyperactivity. Brimming with energy and electric smiles are apparently enough for some people to get confused about your intentions. Luckily, I’m generally regarded as being a very straight-forward person so not as many people read into the hyperactive version of me as could. Thank goodness for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • geomeungoyangi66 · October 30

      Glad you could relate! This stealth mode works a charm and even if you do start to notice that others notice your sudden warmth and ‘out of character-ness’ <— (yeah, couldn't think of a better word) then you can pretty much nip it in the bud before people confirm their suspicions.

      Ah no way, my hyperactivity is slated as being flirty as well. People are so used to our usual 'serious' side that when we come over all bubbly then it catches people off guard; the only explanation people have for this is that you are flirting which is ridiculous. It's because people don't try to read into your actions that people sum it up with a false assumption. We can be happy for no reason too XD
      This brief period of hyperactivity is easily bypassed if it is short lived or not detectable on the surface…which is one of the reasons why we don't show emotions hahaha~

      I really liked your input here =^-^=
      The next post (coming soon) will explore why we can seem out of character so I hope you will enjoy that (visiting our shadow funtions: ESFP).


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  8. Berneice Pusser · February 24

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  9. Samantha H · May 3

    I recently discovered that I am an INTJ female as opposed to ISTJ, although it’s about a 60/40 split. I also recently started going out with another INTJ, a friend of another INTJ friend who introduced us a few months ago (it was only recently that he plucked up the courage to ask me out). Initially, it was as sociable and awkward as you possibly would expect – our conversations did not stop and yet neither one of us was initially comfortable making the first move. Looking back, it’s utterly hilarious and yet it was the scariest thing determining when to actually push. As it is, he held back to see what I would do and it was me who made the first move. Then again, he is closer to the N end of the N/S scale than I am.

    But now that we have got that little bit of awkwardness out of the way, our conversations and our social interactions are much more relaxed and much more physical. We seem to know what the other wants telepathically, which is huge, and our sense of pushing the limits of what constitutes as a normal topic of conversation is really quite funny. Neither one of us is willing to back down from a discussion, although we will come to some form of conclusion and overall, it’s just good fun. We can joke about obscene things and yet know that on a personal level, we still have respect for the other.

    But yes, I love discovering more INTJ females because I tend to agree, some descriptions of INTJ’s sound more relevant to males than females whereas all of the female ones are spot on for me. And I guess that is where gender comes into it.


  10. Alchemiste · July 8

    I ended up marrying an ESTJ. He was confident, not afraid of my strong character. Being an “E” it was not hard to figure him out. I think he was attracted to me because I was not afraid of his strong opinions and I could keep up with him. I was never coy with him, I liked him immediately and he knew it. I was forthright, honest and I tried in my INTJ way to pay close attention to his words, feelings and actions. I analysed him and found that he was emotionally mature and that I needed that. My social and emotional skills were somewhat lacking but I was willing to learn from him and he was willing to learn from me. We have been married a long time now. Opposites can learn from each other if they are open to doing so.

    Love you blog. It is so true and interesting.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · July 10

      Hello Alchemiste =^-^=
      What a great journey, it’s always beneficial when both sides are willing to learn from each other; that just further adds to the respect that you have for each other and it’s great!
      I’m glad that your husband was drawn to your authenticity and that he was emotionally mature to give you a form of stability in that department (I wouldn’t be able to function dealing with someone who is emotionally immature whilst dealing with my own feelings).
      Carry on loving each other Alchemiste, your story is very warming to the heart =^-^=
      Also, thank you!


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