INTJ – Signs We Like You

As you can tell from my previous blog regarding INTJ Females:  INTJ – The INTJ Female.; we are not your average female, we are not the females that society tries to mold us into and to an extent, our mentality is not so much governed by generations of psychological inheritance. We are our own independent thinkers. Henceforth, we tend to seem very unfeminine, aloof and unapproachable – needless to say, we do not flirt like most females (“…what is this flirting thing?..oh? pucker my lips and blink a lot?…are we cat-kissing them? why are we cat-kissing them?…okay, it looks like I have a nervous eye twitch…”)

So, on the topic of how to know whether an INTJ female likes you (those who are interested in us or simply just curious – rejoice!). Via extensive research and through personal knowledge; there are some signs that most INTJ females ‘display’ if we are interested (sorry male INTJs, I do not know whether the following signs applies to you, please let me know in the comments – I am genuinely intrigued).

***Spoiler Signs***

~ We WILL be tuned in to you: We will be tuned in to your voice, your routine and actions and it will not be obvious. Why? Well, because once we decided that we are into you more than anyone else, it could be quite a revelation for us; so, we generally assess the situation and figure out our feelings logically by taking a step back. We will go about our daily routine and be normal around you. The distinction here is that, we will be tuned into your voice, words and actions. Yes, we will observe you without you knowing (it is as if all our senses are heightened and we zoom in onto a target). Our observation stealth means that you can never be sure if we are listening or watching you at all.

~ Awkward silences and stilted conversations: Okay…so this is nothing new, we are pretty bad at conversating to begin with, we have had a fair few of conversation silences. The difference is that, the silence is awkward; hear me out, it may sound silly but we INTJs are pretty content with silence and we have learned to take comfort in it, BUT, once we actually try to make conversation (which ends up as small talk -cringes-), the awkward silence hits us like a boulder. We WANT to talk to you, we do not know what to talk about but we want to talk to you.

So now we are rummaging through our brain, closing and opening our cabinets of interests and information – comparing it to your interests etc in an effort to create a deep and meaningful conversation (it is like a mini brain war zone). Yups, 15 minutes has already gone by due to our over thinking and analyzing. Hello awkward silences. If however, a conversation had already started or about to end; we will try to keep it going by asking a lot of questions (if any), whilst that person is answering, we will listen as well as go back into our mind to pull out theories, conflicts, facts, pros and cons regarding the topic to make it last. Again, hello stilted conversations. The above makes us look like we are not interested, when in fact, it is the complete opposite.

*side note: whilst we are already in a mini war-zone and being a major awkward turtle; we subconsciously build a profile of you in our mind based on your answers and thoughts to see whether we are compatible. Yes, we asks questions with different connotations behind them to collect the desired information to go into your portfolio :) *

~ Blunt truth and dark humour: If we like you after assessing you as a person, we will just lay our dark sense of humour onto you as well as telling you the stone cold truth if you asked for it, or if we observed something deceitful etc etc. We want you to know what we are about. Harsh and truthful with a warped sense of humour (…for a female anyway).


~ Deliberate interaction: Normally, INTJs tends to avoid humans, however, if it is confirmed (in our heads after much deliberation) that you are an interesting and awesome individual, we will make an effort to interact with you; even though we dislike small talk and social connections/ interactions. How is it deliberate? (besides the obvious where we try to talk to you), remember how we are tuned in to you? well, we take our intentionally absorbed fact file of you and, for example, if we heard that you like certain types of food – we will bring that food in for you the next day, we may also observe what time you leave for lunch – we will have our lunch 5 minutes after you leave, we will also know what time you go into the kitchen to make tea etc. Also, if we are comfortable around you, we may man-punch you as a sign of affection. If you are observant enough, this sign of interest from us can be spotted quite easily……, you may notice that…we are kind of a stalker too (with good intent).


“I like you”

“…are you sure you want an INTJ to like you? because we are creepy” – Geomeun Goyangi (A.K.A – me).

~ INTJ female becomes the peacock: This is probably the ‘flirting style’ that most female adhere to – we dress up feminine; or kind of feminine (more feminine than we are used to). Now we do not transition from a being a vampire to a fairy, “NO”, we simply wear more fitted clothing or smarter clothing to show off our sense of style and body. We might actually find ourselves buying new clothes too (online) – we will go feminine where it is just about bearable (no skimpy skirts, stilettos, push-up bra, make-up etc)

*side note: each INTJs to their own, not all of us have the same sense of style and we all interpret ‘bearable femininity’ clothing, aesthetics etc differently.*

~ Time delegations: We, INTJs, know the importance of time, our time as well as our self-worth. We do not want to be investing our time and our minds into people we vaguely like or don’t like. Therefore, if we spend time with you, it means we like you enough. If we are busy and decides to make time for you in our time of anti-socializing – it means we like you. INTJs value themselves and their time immensely, which is why if we don’t meet worthy people of our time; we will either be at home or somewhere anti-social. Being in our own company is important to us by nature, it is how we recharge ourselves and we sometimes love nothing more than when a ‘hangout or meetup’ is cancelled.


There you have it, some of our ‘secrets’ are out of the bag.

I must say though, you got to be quite observant to pick these indicators up. It is likely that an INTJ is highly self-aware of their actions that they tone themselves down before anyone can start noticing their behaviors.

So, have you matched any of these actions to some of your friends?

Are you going to? Feel free to ‘like’, ‘share’ and to leave a comment!

I hope this blog was interesting and informative for you! Love (not in a creepy way) Geomeun Goyangi ^-^

Also, here is a new INTJ series that I’ve just started :) happy watching~

***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***



  1. Sam J · February 19, 2016

    As a male INTJ I fee like most of these apply to myself also!


    • geomeungoyangi66 · February 19, 2016

      Thank you for your comment Sam! Maybe INTJ male and female style of “flirting” are not so different after all. It would be interesting to observe an INTJ male or female who is interested in someone :D


  2. Pingback: INTJ Female – Relationships and Feelings: A Robots’ Peeve | INTJ:Break-The-Chain
  3. ebbasage · April 8, 2016

    I am an INTJ female, married to an INTJ man. If I flirted with him, he wouldn’t notice and if he did he’d wonder what was wrong with me. Incidentally, this has zero impact on our love life, which is fabulous, so flirting isn’t really that necessary ;0)


    • geomeungoyangi66 · April 8, 2016

      Hi Ebbasage, thats’ nice to hear! Also, most of these signs are regarding the initial reaction before a relationship, regardless of whatever the other persons ‘types’ are :)

      Thanks for your comment =^-^=

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ben · September 13, 2016

    As an INTJ male, I am absolutely and entirely oblivious to flirting girls. I had some random girl hug me once. (Hugs are horrible) After she hugged me, someone had to explain to me that she was flirting. Apparently, she had been flirting with me all week, yet I didn’t even recognize her. Poor girl.

    People who know me well, point out when girls flirt with me because they know that I don’t have a clue.

    Having a crush on a girl is extremely different for me than it is for most people. I have had a crush on a girl before, but she was not… (let’s just say that she was attractive, but from what I could observe, she was not the kind of person that I would want to marry. Yeah. Marry.) ….so I was perfectly capable of ignoring the fact that I had a crush on her.

    My thought process went something like this. “I am not going to get emotionally invested in a girl that I do not intend on having a permanent and meaningful relationship with.”

    Robot much? Not robotics, rationality.

    Liked by 1 person

    • geomeungoyangi66 · September 15, 2016

      Ahahaha XD It’s weird how we don’t have the ability to recognize faces even when a person is around us for some time. Hugging isn’t the best flirting technique unless you are already interested. Going by what you put, a high 5 might have sufficed XD

      About your marriage comment, yeah, maybe it’s just how we are wired. I find myself thinking ahead to the future too, whether someone is marriage material, it is like we jump ahead of the boyfriend/girlfriend stage because we “know” what we are looking for or deserve (personality is one of the main criteria whereas looks aren’t). It’s quite daunting to most people as sometimes, we could become slightly intense…no wonder why most INTJs are single. Go all in or not at all.

      I guess our rationality saves us and others from wasting time. However, how helpful is our rationality really? Sometimes, logic prevents us from growing as a person and so we lose out on experience etc. Knowing this…I personally won’t change my thought process (which is exactly how you described it).

      Great comment Ben! It was a fun little read =^-^=


      • Jenkins · December 9, 2016

        I find that as an Inpt I have very simmilar traits. I currently have a new Intj female friend. Its odd how we speak the same language sometimes.


        • geomeungoyangi66 · December 9, 2016

          Hi Jenkins, that’s pretty cool :) In the future, you two might end up having a conversation just by looking at each other hahahaha~


  5. mbvv · October 30, 2016

    I completely agree about our camouflaging techniques. As soon as I realize I like someone, I go full stealth mode. Of course, I, personally, am hyper aware of the way I am acting and notice how much mental attention and awkwardity I am dishing out… but if the person didn’t already know me well, they probably wouldn’t know.

    Conversely, sometimes I’ve been accused of flirting with people simply because I have a brief period of hyperactivity. Brimming with energy and electric smiles are apparently enough for some people to get confused about your intentions. Luckily, I’m generally regarded as being a very straight-forward person so not as many people read into the hyperactive version of me as could. Thank goodness for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • geomeungoyangi66 · October 30, 2016

      Glad you could relate! This stealth mode works a charm and even if you do start to notice that others notice your sudden warmth and ‘out of character-ness’ <— (yeah, couldn't think of a better word) then you can pretty much nip it in the bud before people confirm their suspicions.

      Ah no way, my hyperactivity is slated as being flirty as well. People are so used to our usual 'serious' side that when we come over all bubbly then it catches people off guard; the only explanation people have for this is that you are flirting which is ridiculous. It's because people don't try to read into your actions that people sum it up with a false assumption. We can be happy for no reason too XD
      This brief period of hyperactivity is easily bypassed if it is short lived or not detectable on the surface…which is one of the reasons why we don't show emotions hahaha~

      I really liked your input here =^-^=
      The next post (coming soon) will explore why we can seem out of character so I hope you will enjoy that (visiting our shadow funtions: ESFP).


  6. Pingback: INTJ: How To Identify Us…Or Not | INTJ:Break-The-Chain
  7. Pingback: A Little About Me: Geomeun Goyangi | INTJ:Break-The-Chain
  8. Berneice Pusser · February 24, 2017

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    • geomeungoyangi66 · February 24, 2017

      Thanks Berneice and good luck with your site (*-*)b <—– (thumbs up)


  9. Samantha H · May 3, 2017

    I recently discovered that I am an INTJ female as opposed to ISTJ, although it’s about a 60/40 split. I also recently started going out with another INTJ, a friend of another INTJ friend who introduced us a few months ago (it was only recently that he plucked up the courage to ask me out). Initially, it was as sociable and awkward as you possibly would expect – our conversations did not stop and yet neither one of us was initially comfortable making the first move. Looking back, it’s utterly hilarious and yet it was the scariest thing determining when to actually push. As it is, he held back to see what I would do and it was me who made the first move. Then again, he is closer to the N end of the N/S scale than I am.

    But now that we have got that little bit of awkwardness out of the way, our conversations and our social interactions are much more relaxed and much more physical. We seem to know what the other wants telepathically, which is huge, and our sense of pushing the limits of what constitutes as a normal topic of conversation is really quite funny. Neither one of us is willing to back down from a discussion, although we will come to some form of conclusion and overall, it’s just good fun. We can joke about obscene things and yet know that on a personal level, we still have respect for the other.

    But yes, I love discovering more INTJ females because I tend to agree, some descriptions of INTJ’s sound more relevant to males than females whereas all of the female ones are spot on for me. And I guess that is where gender comes into it.


  10. Alchemiste · July 8, 2017

    I ended up marrying an ESTJ. He was confident, not afraid of my strong character. Being an “E” it was not hard to figure him out. I think he was attracted to me because I was not afraid of his strong opinions and I could keep up with him. I was never coy with him, I liked him immediately and he knew it. I was forthright, honest and I tried in my INTJ way to pay close attention to his words, feelings and actions. I analysed him and found that he was emotionally mature and that I needed that. My social and emotional skills were somewhat lacking but I was willing to learn from him and he was willing to learn from me. We have been married a long time now. Opposites can learn from each other if they are open to doing so.

    Love you blog. It is so true and interesting.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · July 10, 2017

      Hello Alchemiste =^-^=
      What a great journey, it’s always beneficial when both sides are willing to learn from each other; that just further adds to the respect that you have for each other and it’s great!
      I’m glad that your husband was drawn to your authenticity and that he was emotionally mature to give you a form of stability in that department (I wouldn’t be able to function dealing with someone who is emotionally immature whilst dealing with my own feelings).
      Carry on loving each other Alchemiste, your story is very warming to the heart =^-^=
      Also, thank you!


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    • geomeungoyangi66 · September 6, 2017

      Oh wow, thank you Jesse! I hope that you continue enjoying these blogs, annnnnd that they continue to be of use to you =^-^=


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    • geomeungoyangi66 · September 8, 2017

      Hi there, thank you so much for the support and that you think so much of my blogs =^-^=
      As always, I hope that you continue to find my blogs of great intel to you~


  14. anoyimous · September 15, 2017

    “hangout or meetup’ is cancelled”. Oh yes

    Liked by 1 person

  15. sizzlinghotmess · September 16, 2017

    hey i have a question…
    i have been seeing this INTJ guy for nearly two years. i dont even know what to call this relationship except fpr being fuckbuddies.. as that’s how it started and then slowly this guy started taking care of me in a very weird manner. he would know what i like to eat, how i like my coffee. i once broke my ankle and he even undressed me with care. we never talk much on text and he has weird rules that are applied to me. there has been many times i wanted to finish this thing with him but somehow he always talked me out of it. he never talks a word about what we are but mentions that we might be a bit more. he is jealous and its clearly visible. also, i was in the process of getting a divorce when i met him. which might be a problem for many. Despite saying that I am moving away from the country he constantly kept in touch with me( we hardly text) .. i just dont understand this guy i feels sometimes that he is hiding so much. as i find him literally staring at me.. like those long gazes in your eyes that you eventually have to crack some joke.
    now i dont know if he likes me or not but i was hoping somebody can thow a light here.
    also i am now divorced and he sounded happy.. he called me once saying the food he would make for me when we meet. can somebody just tell me what this lad is upto. i dont mind taking the relationship extremely slow as i doubt i am even ready for one. but it would be nice to at least know


    • geomeungoyangi66 · September 20, 2017

      Hi there, well, my initial response to him knowing what you liked to eat, drink, and taking care of you with care is that…that doesn’t sound weird or strange, because he took time to understand what you like etc.

      Then…reading more into the message, I can’t really help much without knowing what kind of rules are applied to you, other than to just advice you to be careful. If you are NOT liking these ‘rules’ and that these ‘rules’ are giving you red flags as to something not being healthy within a relationship then I suggest you stand your ground. He seems to have a way of side stepping the topic of “what are we? Boyfriend, girlfriend? Friend with benefits?”, as well as knowing how to claw you back whenever you want to leave. That’s manipulative.
      Lastly, you two should absolutely talk this out, ask all the hard questions. It may be that you have to ask him things out of the blue, you can say something on the lines of, “somethings been bugging me for a long time now…I need to ask you…” As you said, it’s nice to at least know, so, this is your next step. Go to the source of your problems. Communicate, be prepared for anything.
      It’s good to get closure, It’s good to know what the other person is thinking (or at least telling you part of what he is thinking…).
      Honestly, from reading your message, there’s already red flags that makes me want out. Possessiveness, jealousy, manipulation, rules, uncomfortable stares…I mean, there are gazing at each other and there are stares…so…
      Ultimately, it’s up to you as to what you want to do, just be safe, careful and make sure that you are in a happy and comfortable place when with another someone. Get closure, be sure of what you want, what emotions you want to feel and aim for these, otherwise, you’ll feel drained and completely confused, which in return makes you become stuck in one place, not knowing what to do.

      Good luck!


      • Samantha Henderson · September 20, 2017

        I have to admit, I see only someone who really likes you but is completely unsure of how to express himself. INTJ love languages are typically acts of service and he has done many of these.

        INTJs are not known for their openness and male INTJs probably even more so. I agree that you definitely have to ask the blunt questions. if he is mature he will respect for forthrightness given we are much more comfortable with blunt and honest questions. It will solve your issues and make him see that he needs to be mindful of how he comes across.


        • Sizzlinghotmess · September 21, 2017

          HEy guys!! Thanks for the response. Well to add on the story i do understand that he is confused and all. Because i have treated him like shit for the past one year. (I was too emotionally blocked) there have been times i have broken things off him saying he is emotionless and works like a robot. He somehow always considered my words and changed a bit showing me that he has emotions. And slowly it became less about sex for him. He wanted to go out. He wants to play games watch movies. All at his home as he is socially awakward. And i get that. So he changed me with his rational thinking. ANd i have even mentioned that to him. I have told him that i might start liking him, as i am very vocal about my feelings( i am ENFP) . I know I have been rude and cold to him. ANd so I figured ill give him a chance. Regarding rules. We don’t sleep together. Except once when he thought i might leave forever. He took 7 months to start coming to my place. He once mentioned that he doesn’t like kissing without being in love and since i was just looking for sex I agreed to all. I Can see changes in him. And maybe my insecurities are making me crazy. But all this while he has been warm. Never once was he rude to me. He has always been honest. ANd i think that he masks his feelings. He becomes a complete kid in front of me. Wanting to do crazy things.. and i love that about him. But i am always always always insecure about him meeting other girls. And for me insecurity is not a trait. I once wanted toend things bu saying that ” i dont want to be around him when he finds someone he can love” to which i got a response- that its very hard for him to find people he likes and he told me not to worry.. everything he says seems like a jigsaw puzzel to me.
          I am sorry for bothering you guys!!! Its just that i have developed feelings and i want to try.


          • Samantha H · September 22, 2017

            I must say that does change things considerably.

            He really likes you. I say that because if what you say is true and that you have been very unsure of how you feel towards him, he would have written you off for good ages ago. The fact that he is sticking around is a very, very telling sign of how strongly he feels for you.
            If this is the case, you need to sort your own feelings out properly. It is not fair to string him along because you are unsure exactly how you feel. If that means you need to seek out professional help to help you through your hidden emotions or a really good friend to bounce your feelings off of, then do it.
            I have been in this man’s position. My boyfriend (another INTJ) has been in this position. Your man does seem quite unsure of himself and is still trying to make sense of how strongly he feels (Emotions??? What are they???). Everything will be a jigsaw puzzle because he needs to work everything out logically. But something a very good (suspected) INFJ friend said to me once, you can’t rationalise emotion. One thing you need to know about INTJs and it sounds very true here, if we commit to something, we are all in, no questions asked. I can understand that when he says he doesn’t like kissing unless he is in love because to us, it’s an incredibly intimate moment. When I hug my boyfriend, it is a heartfelt hug, no messing about. Any time we are in physical contact with each other, be it holding hands or entwining fingers at a restaurant, it is to show the other how much we love each other without having to say it. So the times that we actually do kiss, we mean it. Sex is not just a means to an end, it is a powerful moment of love. We’ve both done the whole ‘sex as a means to an end’ thing and the real thing is so, so much better.

            I hope this helps, I also hope you don’t get offended by what I’ve said. I just know how awkward it is to be in this position as an INTJ.


            • Sizzlinghotmess · September 22, 2017

              THanks a ton Samantha!!! No i really dont mind working on myself and i am doing so.. because i know that i have been unfair. Everyone says that he is just a fuckboy and i find it hard to believe. And after reading about INTJ.. (as i asked him to take the test right now) i feel I understand his situation better. And your words are reassuring.
              I guess he just needs time and so do i.
              Thanks with all my heart..


              • Samantha H · September 22, 2017

                Oh wow, thanks! :-) We can be quite brutal and blunt and not many people can take this. I really appreciate you taking my words to heart, that really, really means a lot. :-) We don’t say these things to be harsh, we say them because we actually want to see these situations work out.
                I wish you all the best with you and your INTJ. :-)


  16. Sizzlinghotmess · September 22, 2017

    No i appreciate people telling me where i ho wrong but with stats.. and i agree with you because i myself know how bad i have treated him. I have insecurities and i took it all out on him by being this rude person… infact I appreciate the blunt truth than beautiful lies maybe thats what attracts me to him. I am impulsive and he is not.. and since people misjudge him all the time. I really loved that you understood his point of view. Thanks!! For your kind words. The other reason i am insecure is because he is this really hot, good looking guy and i don’t consider myself this good. (My husband started cheating on me cause i gained weight)
    Anyways.. i wish you all the best with your INTJ guy.


  17. local hero · November 8, 2017

    You should be thanked more often. So thank you!! Where did you learn so much about this stuff? I just randomly found your website.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · November 8, 2017

      Thank you local hero! <— ahahaha, that was interesting to type out :D

      Well, I've just pretty much experienced most of (if not all) of my blogs, so word for word, there are personal experiences splattered throughout. Then, out of curiosity and need for more knowledge, I research for other people's experiences and thoughts, and, sometimes do a questionnaire in groups to guage mentality etc :)
      Happy that you approve of the content =^-^= Thanks a bunch!


  18. Walt · March 10, 2018

    So glad I stumbled onto this site.
    Fellow INTJ here, male.
    In high school there was a girl in my chemistry class who I now realize was probably an INTJ. She was super-smart and also kind of rebellious. She always wore jeans and a flannel shirt (this was back when grunge was in style). Over the semester we slowly got to know each other and I found myself growing to like her (she was pretty hot). Our conversations got deeper (I knew this was special because she just told most people to f**k off). One day we were talking about something, and I remember she asked me something along the lines of “Why do you want to talk about this?” and I responded with something like, “I like talking to you.” She looked at me for a really long time and I looked right back, and I saw something click in her eyes. She turned back to her seat and the rest of the class period went on. The next day she showed up in a red, tight skirt and was wearing makeup. She looked really good. My lab partner, who knew her from back in the day (our little group of four in the back were all cool with each other) looked at her with his mouth slightly open and his eyes bulging a little when she came in, and then he looked over at me, and something clicked in HIS eyes. It’s not that he was going creep mode on her, it’s that he was shocked at how she was dressed (she used to mock cheerleaders and preppy girls viciously but hilariously). Looking back at this now, I realize that he knew something was potentially building up between me and this girl and I think he was shocked at how she showed up because, again, she was the rebellious type and usually wore jeans and a flannel top over a tank top and would spit venom at most people in the class (including the teacher on a couple of occasions). I knew immediately in my heart that she was dressed up for me because of that little moment we had the day before. She came in and sat at her desk, turned to me and said hi with a nice smile (but it was a little bit of a nervous smile) and I – I still regret this to this day – I just said hi and then ignored her the rest of the class period. Why did I do that? Because I was a teenage boy and even though I liked her and was pretty sure that she liked me, I got scared by the reality of possibly getting romantically involved. To this day I’m not 100% sure why, because I had girlfriends before (as early as elementary school with the whole hand-holding and kissing behind the tree where the recess monitors couldn’t see us), maybe I was scared off because I knew this was going to be something pretty deep because she was an intense person.
    The point of this super-long comment is that if you’re an INTJ female and you’re wondering whether males will pick up on your cues when you decide to show him that you like him, YES WE WILL (even INTJ males will pick up on this). You don’t even have to go as drastic as wearing a red skirt, e.g. I knew this girl had mutual feelings for me because she and I would have deep talks whereas she was cold as ice to most everyone else and I recognized THAT LOOK she gave me when she stared at me after I told her I liked talking to her.

    Keep up the great work on this blog. Imagine if we INTJs organized to share info with each other more frequently, like this blog is doing… how much better could we make the world, right?


    • geomeungoyangi66 · March 10, 2018

      Hey there Walt, what a great comment, I loved reading it and really liked how you picked up the subtle nuances such as “something clicked in her eyes” – I too definitely experienced a “click in my eyes” moment as well as seeing it happen to others; it’s a very interesting moment itsn’t it?

      Besides saying the above…I was compelled to reply to you based on your final comments about “sharing information” – strangely enough, last night and the day before, I was fantasizing about a couple of random stage moments whereby I described my emotions and feelings and my journey as to how I got to be where am (nothing major but I feel that a real open talk or Q and A on stage to give insights into our INTJ brains….it would be a great concept. Let’s make it happen some day :)


  19. Nur · January 1

    Im an intj. Im tired of relationship. Im buliding a wall now as i cant find a guy who is honest n str8forward. Plus tolerated my crazy side. Mostly they say im not mature enough. Let say im like a hermit. N im not gonna come out of my shell. Unless u show me that ur word are ur action


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