INTJ – Obligatory Socialising? Parties? Nah.

“AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE AN INTJ PARTY! Because the party would not have started to begin with”

Like come on, hosting a party is the perfect nightmare come true for us; you have to be the provider of attention, you have to initiate conversation and you cannot tell your guest to leave once you are done socializing.

“Hi yes, everybody, I know this party has gone on for a awhile now, like two hours to be exact. Well, I am done interacting with you all so if you would all like to go somewhere else to chat then that would be great, okay thanks bye” – SAID NO GOOD HOST EVER. Dammit.

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We have all been there, getting dragged to a social gathering or party unwillingly, you know, the sort of social events where it is an obligation to attend or you would end up offending the host or making the people who you were supposed to go with look bad if you didn’t turn up. Not that an INTJ would care but of course for the times when we get guilt-tripped or dragged along to these gathering; nothing makes us more annoyed when we have to do things unwillingly, plus it is the fastest way to zap our energy away, just the thought of the event makes us tired.

So how does an INTJ prepare their mental state when faced with an imminent social gathering? Because lets’ face it, we will have to “prepare” for all the inevitable questions that will be thrown at us – especially if we are going to be stuck in a family gathering; even worse, a sociopath of a family.

“What did you study? Oh mine is much harder”

“Did you graduate?, What was your classification? Oh mine is better than yours”

“What are you doing now?”

“What job have you got?”

“How much do you earn? Pffft, really?”

“Do you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend?, I’ll show you a photo of my boo”

“What are you doing in your spare time? Still watching TV?”

“What are you doing with your life?”

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AAAAAND then, your clueless of a dad would ask you, “do you need to pee?”

Like hello?! I’ll go when I need to, why are you asking that? and in front of everyone too? (True story yo, about 6 years ago. Oh, is that just me? Does that not happen to you? Oh…okay…)

Yes, all the questions and lets’ be real, even though an INTJ do not compare themselves to others 98% of the time, you will have people comparing themselves to you and everyone else majority of the time. You might think that the INTJ is thinking too much or are over analyzing peoples’ questions and motives  – yes well, it is a subjective scenario, however, we all know relatives and cousins compare each other (especially in Eastern cultures). To be honest, if it really is a family gathering, you will hopefully know who is genuine and who is not.

Therefore, days before the gathering, we, INTJs will acknowledge the inevitable questions and mindless comparison whereby INTJs would end up giving the utmost minimal answers (intentionally or unintentionally) and of course again, it depends on who that person is. INTJs would also prepare an escape plan by going on the internet and having a look at the surrounding area whereby the gathering will be held at and sweet baby Jesus, if we happen to find that there is a nearby bookshop, cafe or a park…we will get excited. Hallelujah! A safe haven to go to whilst waiting to be driven home – those of you who can drive and go home whenever you want…take an INTJ with you please.

Now on the actual day, the INTJ, would most probably turn up at the gathering super early before anyone else, this allows us time to scour the hosts’ home or the venue etc. We are not scuttling around to be nosy, no, actually the INTJ intention is to want to understand their environment and know the layout of the building – where the toilets are, where the comfy seats are, where the bar is, where the “quiet” corner is (the little corner where we can just sit and observe). Simply put, we need to be comfortable with the new environment, oh and we want to know where our escape route is.

It is not surprising that before an INTJ ventures anywhere, we would do extensive research and then show up (if possible) a day early or a couple of hours early to the destination just to understand the area – be it going to an interview or meeting with friends. Sometimes, we feel like a criminal scouring the area – our instincts are like that of a feline.

Okay, so once more people are trickling in, it will be like being in the 8th circles of hell.

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We INTJ will find ourselves gravitating straight for a corner in order to observe the crap out of our environment and the people. Observing everyone’s behavior, how they respond, what they talk about or how they move as well as also doing a lot of introspection – our thought process takes our brain to a happy place. If there is a TV present then it is a bonus (even if the programme is trash). You’d be sure that we will use our phone to distract ourselves (even if there is nothing on there to fully distract us; re-reading messages will do). Wifi would be a big plus and you’d be sure that we will bring our laptop after checking FREE Wifi is available. If all else fails, we might just go up to the host and see if there is anything that we can help them with.

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Silently rocking a corner like a BOSS

In all fairness, we might not be asked the whole list of questions as we put our semi-resting b*tch face on whilst exuding an aura of “don’t you dare come up to me and ask me questions”; our one word answers would not carry a conversation anyway. Of course anyone would feel more comfortable and relieved when a person chooses to sit next to them and you two basically form an unspoken mutual pact to stick together during the gathering – again, it depends on who that other person is; this is very important for the INTJ as they don’t just “approve” of anyone. Nonetheless, if somebody do choose to be in our company then we will of course engage in conversation when prompted.

The INTJ will, after a period of time feel that they do not belong there anymore and when we get to the point of not feeling the need to care about the gathering, it means we need to go – basically when we have sat in the same damn spot and not spoken to anybody for an hour and have started to feel the need to “chill” in different corners or areas of the building in order to look like we are doing something; again, this is a sure-fire sign for us to get the heck out of there.

We will proceed to quietly slither off to go to the garden, car, shop, bar or behind a tree to star-gaze/ cloud-gaze in order to escape (basically, anywhere is fine) – if it is night out then we will just make friends with the trees and the curb. If we did manage to find a cafe or bookshop then we would be sure to go there…after pre-checking that they are still open.

Hey, everyone’s’ time is very limited, INTJs are very aware of this so I don’t see why we have to stick around for the full duration of anything that we were not willing to participate in to begin with. We’ve done our obligation of showing up.

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Now that does not mean to say that an INTJ would dislike all social gatherings, if we voluntarily go because there are awesome people there then like everybody else, we too would stick around for longer.

Even in a situation where we willingly put ourselves through, for example, hanging out with a group of friends, you will find us exuding some of the same behaviour…after several hours that is. We will be fine with no “safety” corners or any distractions like the TV or our phone because we would be comfortable enough to sit in silence and listen to our friends conversation, whilst interjecting occasionally. Your friends know you are weird on the surface, you don’t have to be anything that you are not and you know that there is no comparing and judging going on – what is there not to like?

When our fuel runs out, we are good at hiding and pushing away our “want to go home” mentality because it is not all the time that we get to hang around with friends, we like spending time with them; plus, we care about their feelings and would always like to take care of them and to make our friends happy.

Also, we sometimes strategically place ourselves in the middle of the group so we can hear all of the conversation, it also deters us from daydreaming which would surely happen if we were sitting on the sidelines.

We can get comfortable to the point where our extroverted side comes out, it is like we turn into a different person; all happy, touchy, talkative, laughing and joking. BRING ON SHOPPING AND MOVIES! For INTJ guys…bring on gaming?

As for the times when we are flung into a situation where we will be meeting new people unexpectedly, we are pretty much the same as the above scenarios – if anything, we are more aloof and if someone piques our interests then we will bombard that person with questions to gauge their personality and to avoid talking about ourselves.

There you have it, don’t force an INTJ to waste their time to attend obligatory gatherings because overtime, we will voice our choice of not wanting to go. However, as you have read, for the times that we choose to spend time with friends; we will definitely make the other persons priority our first.

Geomeun Goyangi

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***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***

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