Diary: Psychologically Induced Tears

25/05/2015

~Diary Entry~

Now, psychologically induced tears are nothing new, actors and “drama queens” use it all the time – they can cry on command.

However, I found myself blurring the boundaries of my psychological intention. I found that this one time where I shed a tear just to fit in with the general reactions of the people I respected.

So, the back story was that someone (important to me) was talking about how they cried at this so-called “powerful video” that they saw because they related to it. I was told that I should watch it (now I am already feeling like I might get criticized as I am not an emotionally expressive person) – it does not help that I was told that you have to understand this video on a deep level to make you cry.

I asked, “what if I understand but don’t cry?”, the reply was, “then you have to be a certain type of person to appreciate the video and to feel it. Also, it is fine that you can understand it if you don’t cry, maybe it means that you are not at ‘that level’ or had those experiences”…I am here thinking, well f*ck, if I don’t cry then I am not in the category of “type of person” to appreciate this video and its’ meaning and ‘that level’ connotation refers to open-mindedness, to put yourself into the other persons shoes, willingness to embrace the concept of anything and to learn and feel everything.

Now, if you are an INTJ reading this, then you know the above statements are something we already do – we practice what we preach; we are open-minded to a fault, willing to embrace and understand everything in detail (of course it has to be something we are interested about) and we feel emotions very intensely because of how underdeveloped our feelings are – on the surface, we look in control but underneath, our feelings are very turbulent and uncontrollable, confusing at best.

Anyways, does a person really have to cry just to prove that they understood and embraced something in full with great depth? Can I not cry but still understand and appreciate a concept, an idea, an emotion in full?.

After heart-wrenching videos, I will feel emotions very powerfully but at the same time, my exterior will look like a rock, like I just watched a boring time waster. It could be the world most amazing video and I will still look like a rock.

(Exhibit A)

Is that bad? Am I not understanding a video of that “level”? Of that caliber? Am I not “those” type of people?

I do not feel the need to prove anything but at the same time, I could just scream of how misguided that their perception of my true being is – if only they could live inside my head.

So, if you were wondering what video it was, here you go:

Now, I did watch it and I did shed a singe tear. I felt that it was psychologically induced though, I was already in a saddened state due to being misunderstood, plus the expectation for me to feel and show something was weighing on my mind. A part of me willed the tears to come out whereas the other part of me tried to suck them back in.

All in all, the video was relatable to us from the start, it is a decent video and I love the message that Tony Robbins gives out; to turn a bad event into something great by listening to it.

Geomeun Goyangi