***UPDATED 4/12/16***

INTJ stress may not be obvious to many people but only noticeable to the few that are closest to them. Their change in behavior tends to steer towards a certain objective – to numb themselves or to keep their brain occupied with familiar surroundings and routines or with overwhelming sensory stimuli until they are finally ready to look at their problems properly.

I will go into the above in-depth later on.

So, what stresses an INTJ out? Well, stress itself doesn’t get to us too much, but when you add some (or all) of the below to the equation; we can get overwhelmed, normal stress can turn into chronic stress:

  • Responsibilities that we must take on our shoulders – the fight between understanding what we need to do and the reason why we need to do it as opposed to what we want to do;
  • Outside influences – too much sensory stimuli, extraversion and noise around us or if we are surrounded by an unfamiliar environment (promotions, different workloads etc) can knock us out – seemingly normal and simple changes or things can plunge a normal routine for an INTJ into a rather complex and problematic situation (some of us are adaptable, but not all). When we work for people who devalues our skills or are working with incompetent people – overtime, this could get to us because we know that we can do a lot and that we deserve to be with better people;
  • Not enough alone time to digest our thoughts – we will get annoyed if our thoughts keeps being repetitively distracted by outside influences (e.g when someone keeps talking to us);
  •  Eternal Introspection – our inner thoughts flick on everyday and night and we can get bummed down by some of the relentless thoughts. The ‘nightmare’ of not living for yourself but instead, trying to save someone else or to better someones lives because we value them. Listening and watching other people amazing life stories is great and all but when do we actually live our own life with stories to tell? Some go through the struggle of having to prove themselves to others, that is until we choose to let go of this poison;
  • Too much thoughts of the future as well as the present and the past. Too much thinking about everything;
  • Our projects – biting off more than we can chew (we’ll chew threw them still…just slowly). So we end up having to concentrate on a mass amount of details (deciding on the next best course of action after extensive research);
  • Productivity – pressure of having to concentrate on producing something right now that consequentially can act as a brilliant catalyst for our future – basically something that could potentially save our a$$ if the world goes into sh*ts in the future hence our projects (although we would all be screwed if there was to be an apocalypse…just saying).


As stated before, our stress would not be too noticeable to the untrained eye, we’ll still be our normal selves when we are socializing or working with people  etc. We don’t see the necessity or the positives of sharing our problems (or  any problems) with anyone. Sure, it may feel better to get it off our chest but what then? It is not like our problems disappear – venting about our problems is not a practical solution, it yields no results. In fact, we might end up projecting this joking side or sarcastic side of ourselves when we do tell or explain to people of our problems because of how ridiculously vulnerable we feel as well as not understanding how to process our feelings inwardly or outwardly.

However, on the inside, we feel that everything is on the line – it sounds dramatic and at times, it feels dramatic. So, we then go a little crazy with our thoughts shining a light on our self-control and emotional infliction. Why can’t we just go crazy and let go of ourselves? Why can’t we just randomly dance like crazy? Why can’t we just scream till our voice goes? Why can’t we just drown ourselves in alcohol or just cry till our nose starts bleeding or until we go blind?

We just want to disintegrate into nothing and reappear years later as the phoenix that we should have been today. We just want to shine and be the best that we can be.


Despite wanting to go wild, INTJs actually end up doing 1 of 2 things that are at the opposite end of the spectrum of each other;

  1. INTJs may become so much more introverted to the point that we don’t talk or go out for days and we usually go about our rather unproductive (but familiar) routines. We become the hermit of all hermit crabs;
  2. We seek sensory stimuli purposely – socializing continuously, everyday if possible (partying, disco, pub crawl, shopping – bring on the noise and distractions).

Now, both of these actions have 1 aim (not that we know it ourselves initially) – both actions have the consequences of distracting our thoughts; we let other things fill our brain. Regardless of whether what we are doing, listening or watching is useful or not. One action brings familiarity and comfort into our lives; nothing to catch us off guard or to make us think whereas the other action fills our brain with so much stimuli and noise that our thoughts and problems are temporarily distracted.

Majority of INTJs will choose to exercise a quieter environment to collect their thoughts and to prepare a course of action when ready. So until then, any social interaction with a stressed INTJ becomes notably arduous which leaves people around them confused as to the sudden change in extreme introversion – this state of introversion can last for weeks and even months.

We are sorry, we never intend to worry you with our behavior or unleash a lifetime of problems onto you; we just don’t know what to do with ourselves and we need excessive alone time to conjure up a solution or plan – basically, we need to fix ourselves.

In our moments of darkness, like everyone, we too have thoughts of our inadequacies, fear of our projects failing (or failure in general), fear of not doing enough of anything of everything, problems after problems seen to arise. We have a whole empire of unhealthy thoughts and in our moments of weakness, we turn to mind-numbing behaviors and self-destructive behaviors:

  • Some INTJs may throw their routines out of whack – getting up late, sleeping late, randomly sitting somewhere (for example; on a swing in a park from morning till night), reading random magazines or doing really random things;
  • Drawing, painting, knitting, exercising like crazy;
  • Socializing like crazy – asking all our friends to see if anyone wants to hang out (which could be confusing for INTJ friends purely on the basis that the INTJ have not spoken to them in ages);
  • Some INTJs will throw their soul into their normal routine – they don’t want to be disturbed or interact with anything or anyone that makes them think, they don’t want to talk to no-one (not even their family, spouses, kids, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues, managers). We know that we won’t hear anything being said, we will zone out fast or just ignore you. Also, we get agitated just by acknowledging how stressed and pi$$ed off we are and with the inability to switch off our negativity; we can become argumentative…not because of you but because of ourselves (yes, we get pi$$ed off at ourselves for being pi$$ed off). Basically, eff everyone until we see the light (we will lock ourselves in our caves if we have to);
  • Over-eating;
  • Over-drinking;
  • Playing games;
  • Shopping for pointless items;
  • Binge-watch TV;
  • Reads continuously;
  • Attempt to start on a project only to find that we over-researched and end up doing NOTHING;
  • Consolidating ourselves by searching relatable comments/ experiences on Google, Bing, Forums, Facebook, Twitter and all the other social media out there;
  • Sleeping all day and night if we can.

Yes, we will do anything and everything in excess. We don’t care too much if what we do has no positive or negative results, we just NEED to do SOMETHING. Physically and mentally, we will be detached and block people out.


Stress makes INTJs exhausted which can cause a need for severe down time. It doesn’t help when they come home from a day of socializing  to be greeted with more stimuli at home (people).

INTJs do truly want to find a solution to their problems FAST, it is just the difficulty of knowing and qualifying where to begin that makes us self-destructive because there is not just one problem (otherwise we wouldn’t be this stressed) and our problems can have a breadth of solutions whereby we have to decide on the “best” one. Here, we’ll think about possible problems that could arise from the solutions additionally to thinking about the future and the now.

Before we know it, 1 day, 2 weeks, 2 months have gone by and we won’t have noticed how weird or abnormal we have been acting in the eyes of our loved ones or friends. Other times though, we can be hyper-aware of our actions but cannot stop ourselves from exuding these manifestations no matter how much we want to. It’s an unfair move on our side but it is not intentional (to an extent), we just need distance and peace to control ourselves again (as stated earlier, we can become argumentative and we know this…so technically, we are doing ourselves and everyone a favor); sometimes we don’t take other people’s’ feelings into account if we think that they would not care to begin with OR if we don’t want to burden them. However, what we think we need is not necessarily good for us or the people around us.

A tip for stressed out INTJs who care about not disrupting connections with close friends and families etc is to actually tell these individuals that you will be disappearing for a few days or so. You’ll save yourself the pressure of having to explain things later on AND you’ll prevent any confusion that your friends etc may have as to the sudden distance that you projected.

The above can go either way, that these people either understands you and respects your needs OR get offended; hopefully though, since these people managed to crawl into your BFF category then your alone will more often than not, be respected. So just tell them…that is if you have someone you constantly talk to.

If you intend to help a stressed INTJ, some of the below may help:

  • Give INTJ their unfair space but feel free to draw the line at when they act too abnormal for too long according to what you are used to (providing that you know the INTJ long enough – otherwise it is none of your business) – you have the permission to pull us out of our rut and hug us (in silent please);
  • Avoid bringing too much sensory stimuli that pulls us away from our thought process or avoid giving advice (even if you mean well) because we have most probably thought of almost everything and hearing the same stuff doesn’t help. Bringing new advice that we didn’t know may annoy us as now there is more to think about (personally, I like to hear new advice, even if there is more to think about; I do like options). Nonetheless, if you offer advice and sensory stimuli then you can potentially annoy us or even make us hide from you;
  • ALTHOUGH, if you reassure us enough (gently) with what you think about this whole situation and how you feel and how you want to help then we may just crumble and talk to you (a little bit) and show you our real emotions. We may feel grateful and warm knowing that you care and on rare occasions (very very rare occasions), we may show you our actual sad/ pained face mixed with gratitude for you (it’s a weird face, I for one will admit that);
  • Pull us away from our responsibilities;
  • A change of scenery may help – a simple stroll or something to make us think that life isn’t or shouldn’t be all this complicated anyway will help us focus on what is important again;
  • Just let us be wild if we choose to become severely extroverted – we will be mindful of our actions but maybe not as strict on ourselves.

So in conclusion, a stressed INTJ will numb themselves with almost anything that they can get their hands on, any options within a close proximity that has the potential to distract our thoughts will have us going straight for it.

We will be our normal self again overtime – we will always come out of this (or any) negative state with hope or clarity because we will always try to find a solution.

There is no need to worry about us too much; we don’t need you to care for us, we just need someone to care about us with sincerity.


Geomeun Goyangi =^-^=

geomeun goyangi mark

***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***


Dear Fellow Readers and Bloggers.

I have been living by 3 quotes this past year that have helped me through times of stress. May they bring you a sense of control and empowerment for when you are feeling uncontrollable.

Perspective is KING

I Promise You That We Won’t Live Forever

You Only Fail When You Don’t Try

– By Yours Truly =^-^=







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  5. Fen · April 1, 2017

    As an INTJ, I confirm this is true. We are an either all or nothing type. Either the creme de la creme perfection or the consciously self-destructive-but-does-it-anyway failed idealist. Especially when we see an alternate vision we cannot achieve. Or having a passion we need to put off for later to satisfy other’s expectations or to do a “duty” that must be done against our wishes.


  6. Sandra Tenniel · September 27, 2017

    Love your words… pretty much described me to a ‘T’ and made me laugh and feel better…


    • geomeungoyangi66 · October 24, 2017

      Hey there Sandra,, glad this article helped. Don’t feel too bad, the main thing is knowing what is happening and keep pushing forward =^-^=


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  9. NekoNekoSan · April 30

    When I read your words on INTJ, I can see myself in it, even more so this one. Some people doubt I am of this type, and so do I in front of stereotypes.
    I have basically lived my life building masks (a funny idiot and a caring selfless F something), and cooping in one of those ways or another.
    I came to a point where I hated myself and everyone else, then to realise I need understanding, from myself and others, yet people around me are quite unhappy to see what is undernearh my masks, regardless of their “just be you!”s, which makes me feel pressured to put them back on. I hate them. I hate myself for not being what they want. I have failed countless time at this. I am tired. So tired.
    I am awkward as f… and I do not get people, so poorly it could be worthy of a title.
    I have this problem where when I am alone, I know who I am and what I want but as soon as someone else is involved, it becomes optionnal. I become optionnal. (Ennea-type 9)
    I am at a stress point where I spontaneously start silently crying in the middle of the street, and I hate it, and I hate myself for it.
    I do say “hate” but I mean dislike, I lack the passion for true hatred, it just sounds better.
    Yes, traumas are present in my past.
    Not sure why I am writing this, maybe someone can relate, nor if I want something from it, but eff it, I wrote it, I exist in all my contradictive glory and it is okay.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · April 30

      NekoNekoSan! We are so alike! But! It sounds as if you are lacking in a healthy balance. Before, I was the typical INTJ, only recently becoming someone who you described as “a funny idiot and a caring selfless F something” hahaha – however, I am happier than I have ever been; from time to time, I question myself as to how legit I am because of this drastic change from an evil unicorn dragon to a positive happy unicorn cat (okay, that sounds weird…but it’s true!).

      You should not hate yourself, nor should you care about what others want to see underneath your mask – the saying ‘be yourself’ will deliver, it just takes time; sooner or later, you will attract 1 or 2 other individuals who accept you. Personally, I gave up hope in making genuine friendships, but it took one to turn me into someone that I am proud to be today (that took 23 years btw).

      Why would you want to be a person based on what others want? Acceptance? Relief of not fitting in? Whatever it is, we are unique and well, fitting in will wipe away our individuality – as you have mentioned, you seem to know who you are when you are on your own, which is great! Like most people though (ironically), when we interact with others, it is natural to become ‘optional’ (especially since you are a type 9 like me), because you want to cater for this other person, making sure that they are happy and having a good time, in the mix, we can really be pushovers and go with the flow etc. You may not feel like yourself at all times – nothing wrong with that :)
      One thing you can do is try to understand and embrace this other side of you, this ‘optional’ side of you – when you are with someone, are your feelings genuine and whether your want to be more of this ‘optional’ persona or not (maybe you don’t feel like you because you know who you are when you are alone, but there are an array of emotions, personas and things to experience that will take you by surprise – because life).

      Whatever you choose to do, how you accept yourself or choose to be, starting at ‘okay’ is a positive step forward. I hope you end up being proud of who you are. We all get moments of self-doubt, who we are and stuff like that…it’s confusing as eff hahaha, try and enjoy it NekoNekoSan =^-^= (I have learned that to be both yourself and to exhibit a positive ‘this isn’t me’ persona is actually quite fun and healthy; even alarming at times).

      P.s Humans are weird anyways, all so common, yet so different – rather than trying to just understand them, have fun with them; ask questions, creep them out or just you know…ignore the stupid ones hahaha!

      Good luck =^-^=

      (Glad you wrote what you wrote, it’s always interesting to read thoughts like this :).


      • NekoNekoSan · May 1

        I do think we are alike too, nice to read someone else who fit this same categories.
        “drastic change from an evil unicorn dragon to a positive happy unicorn cat” hah. Not weird to me. You are as legit and usure about it as I am, it seems. Ha.
        “Lacking a healthy balance”, yes I know. This is where “masks” is important, as they covered depression and suicidal thoughts, I disregarded my own health to please because, it seems you have asked, I lived with a fear of being killed from displeasing, not sure how it happened, as I can trace it back to when I was three y-o. Toxic family.
        If we really are that alike, you likely enjoy life stories, because I can never get enough. : P
        I am at a pointwhere I have a lot of unresolved feelings boxed away, and a lot of them contain/produce “self-loathing”, it is fine, it does not last. In a way, it is a wonder of interesting. It is difficult but so… sparkly.
        I don’t believe in being 100% yourself all the time, if someone can pull that off, chapeau. Though, bellow 50% it starts to feel wrong. Why bother?
        Acting is pretty fun though…
        I am unsure about “being proud of”, “happy” and “individuality”, they seem to suit you well though.
        I mostly look for a “c’est la vie”(it is life) sort of serenity.
        I wish my chest was as flat as my prefered mood… -w-

        I wish you well.


        • geomeungoyangi66 · May 1

          Hey NekoNekoSan, hahaha, yeah, I do have moments of “am I a dark or a happy person?” (sometimes it is both funnily enough).

          Ah, the toxic family shiz, I hear ya, you should read my other article “The Sociopath Poison” – maybe it would clarify some things for you :)
          We are pretty much alike – but, I chose to not give an eff anymore about who I should be, or be like. My mask was pretty much shredded from that point onward (bearing in mind, these toxic people in my life were my cousins, relatives etc, and erasing them was the best choice I made ever. It’s great!). Since you know the root cause of the “problem”, maybe you can make a conscious decision as to how you want to be – harder than it sounds sometimes; a really neat trick is to write everything down in a diary or something, write down your feelings, thoughts, fears, evaluate yourself (then write down what you want to be – confident, positive etc), even if it is just random words here and there because you may not know how you feel exactly. You know, when you literally look at your thoughts on paper…it’s weird yet liberating at the same time :)

          I love life stories, not in a nosey way, but if people share, then I will happily listen hahaha~

          Yeah, “sparkly”, it’s interesting…but disorientating; it’s like an out of body experience being another you – like…”why am I doing this?” kinda thing.

          Ah yeah, I also have this “it is what it is” reality check with me at all times, somewhat like yours actually; the difference is that I’m just happier <— that sounded rude…sorry :/

          Also. what a great last sentence – give me some of your boob please, or rather "I wish that my chest was a big as my love for green tea". *_*b <—(thumbs up)

          Good luck with everything fellow Neko hahaha~


          • NekoNekoSan · May 2

            Happy and dark, “life, it sometimes sh**s on miracles and in a way, we all are miracles”… I wrote it and I like it, ha.
            “The Sociopath Poison” is actually the first I read from you, pretty much spot on, and I have read a bunch of books on the subject already, though, I hardly think I dealt with real ill-intentioned sociopaths, more with suffering people who could not help themselves therefore “offering” their pain and shezz… There seemed to have a root to the harshness, but I ain’t getting down that rabbit hole. (RUN FOR YOUR LIFE)
            I do write a lot, so much I am ruining the amazonian forest… ;^;
            (Not super at ease talking about what I write, makes me want to hiss still)
            I also do abstract painting (been told I am “too artsy to be a T” wth).
            As for defining what I would like to be, erm, well, it does not last long. “Today, I’m a social butterfly! : D” *crosses someone* “I want to be alone forever @-@”. Darkness, better laugh about it.
            “Sparkly” through depression makes me split minded and a little demented, hah, I swear I don’t bite! : P
            (Sort of high on life feeling.)
            You are happier than I am, it is a fact, and I wish everyone to be such too. I think I might not be able to do “happy” so, yeah.

            “I wish that my chest was a big as my love for green tea” gives me the image of Marge Simpson with a “boob holder” after the mistake breast implants surgery… thehehe, I don’t wish you that, your poor back. : P


            • geomeungoyangi66 · May 3

              Sweet, I’ve known us INTJs to be pretty philosophical, it makes life livable sometimes.
              Oh wow, I thought that particular article was too heavy to read as a starter, I’m glad you stayed put :)
              Hahaha, wanna compare piles? Paper piles. Hey…are you a south paw? You being super artsy and all (nothing against right handers, just sayin’) – also, ummm, definitely don’t see how being artsy and being a ‘T’ are related. Screw that person t(-_-)

              Bwahahaaha! Yeah, it’s as if you decide to make a positive move on your social life, but then…nope. Hey, at least you are trying…kinda hahaha (appreciates your emojis). You sound pretty sane to me ;)

              I guess anyone can do happy without losing themselves, I’m sure you can do happy – smiling isn’t a bad start. I believe in you! By the power of greyskullllll!

              Oh wow, flashback to that Simpsons episode…hmmms, I will take half the size of her boobs.

              Pssst, showcase your artwork somewhere! Maybe link some art on here!


              • NekoNekoSan · May 6

                Heavy stuff, philosophie, my bed time books, you mean? >w>
                Compare paper piles… but… but… I would have to gather everything to make one pile… ;^;
                Not a lefty, but I started writing from right to left as a little kid… too cool for rooles, ya know…
                Are you a south paw?
                I ended up “door slam”ing that person. Therapist takes vacations… FOREVAH. *^*’
                I have been wondering, can it be “bad”(can’t find better word) for, like an INTJs to hang around exclusivly F types? (or close)
                Ever wrote about that? : P
                I would be curious to know your thoughts on the matter.
                Yes, let the belief flow through you. *^*’
                (Why am I missquoting star wars?)
                Big boobs in a bra look like jelly on a platter…
                : x
                No showcasing for me right now…
                Exept on a few walls. : P


              • geomeungoyangi66 · May 6

                Hahahaha, nice ;) Nothing too heavy for you to read ne~~~

                Ha! Let’s race!…to make piles…we sound medically unstable >_>

                Oh wow, really? right to left huh, I bet your parents were well confused, like “what the eff daughter?!” pffffttthahaha!
                Yeah, I’m a southy :D

                UNPAID therapists take vacations forever – are we just natural shrinks? Seriously, we are way too good at giving advice.

                Hmmms, hang around only F types? Well, variety is always good, if you know that you gel well with F types then go for it, but I think that regardless of any types, if you generally get on well with someone then awesome. Stick at it :) It’s possible that we get drawn to F types more because sometimes, the F types are socially persistent when it comes to bringing out the voice in T types.

                Hmmms, this would be a interesting thing to write about – I’ve been lacking inspiration these days (as well as being busy).

                Hahaha! Interesting imagery there nekonekosan!

                Nice, hey, Instagram might serve you well, it would be cool to see your stuffs seriously~~~(no pressure of course hehehe).


              • NekoNekoSan · May 10

                Attempt #3… xD
                (Hao does one internet?)
                Reading of opium right now to get flippant dreams *^*’.
                (Es not work’n ;^;)
                Unstable… OR we have like more important to do!
                Liek, ya kno, staring at paint dry while wondering avout exchanging eyes with someone else because colour vision… *^*’.
                (I am seriously tired xD)

                Right to left, but it lacks fluidity, I have no goal to push me into practice. ;o;
                Is unrelated, but I was shocked upon discovering dominant hands were not 50-50%, as it is in my family, never got over this… x)

                If ONLY I gave good advices… I get confused and ask questions which end up helping out so they come back to dump their problems on me… hahaha… :’)

                That thought was quite embryonic, hm, I meant more growing up around Fs (and Es), and knowing that something is off, yet as all the others are similar in a certain way, (and pressure to be more “normal”, whatevah tha es) to over indulge in Fs behavior to the point it is detrimental to the developpement of the T function…
                Studying to get the “social” part right and never making it… odd (ab)use of Te, hm.
                And frustrating for perfectonnism.
                It is personal. : P

                Inspiration is such a moody mistress… -w-
                Woo, busy! (Or “Boo, busy!”, not sure)

                “Interesting imagery there” I forgot the silly I wrote… whew… xD

                I had eff ups with this strange insta-argh, but it started not effing up… must be the 1600 calories in this bag of chocolate I ate today working… hahaha… ;^;
                nekovondunkelheit on it. xD


              • geomeungoyangi66 · May 12

                Not encouraging anything….but poppy seeds can be found in cakes and breads (amongst other foodsies) hehehe~

                Your tired language is quite fun to read hahaha~

                Oh yeah, hahaha, our curiosities tend to prompt people to think harder or see the bigger picture – huh, never really thought about that consciously before, you worded it really well :D

                Also, your cat is so cute!


              • NekoNekoSan · May 13

                Oh right, poppy seeds… it doesn’t sound like it gives that great of dreams in the end… x.x

                Glad chu likey the sleepy chattah, me think ish my Ne side going foolish. : P

                Aww ye, prompting the thinking in folks is my very favorite *^*’

                13 years of cuteness. She really could not care less sadly, the Mitaine really just wants food. -w-b


  10. plxx_ · October 17

    I’m an INTJ-T and I can see myself in your word very clearly. Most actions that was mentioned are exactly what I’ve been doing, and didn’t know it’s a reactions to stress. It does assure me that I’m not becoming a psychopath. Thank you.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · October 17

      Hahaha, I’m glad to be of service :)
      Psychopath is a strong word, suppose most people have psychopathic tendencies, just depends on how extreme it is, but hey, I don’t think these actions are psychopathic :)

      You’ll get there in the end, first step is knowing that you’re stressed and knowing what your coping mechanism is, then finding out what is making you feel this way.

      Good luck! :D


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