Simply put, we INTJs have no qualms about cutting ties with people, even if we knew that person for years. Be it friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, families or relatives (blood link holds nothing to us) – all are just as easy to erase as each other.
INTJs have a strong grasp of the physical world around them, we value our self-worth and we also know that we can control our life by choosing who we want to be around or not; but above all, we have a purpose for wiping out someones existence from our lives.
We are very tolerant of peoples shortcomings, we will be around them if we feel that we can learn from them, for example, how people socialize and communicate. Yes, we do choose to keep friends with the motive to improve ourselves and to build our mind stamina – but if people turn out to be irrelevant or are a waste of our time then we would just not bother with them. Also if someone loses our trust and respect or if someone proves detriment to the people we value then we will just walk away from them.
On that note, people can mess us about, if we give them permission…psychologically that is. Personally, only 2 people can make me annoyed physically whereby I tend to swallow my retaliation. If anyone dares to mess me about then I would either retaliate or just go silent because I did not give a damn.
I can see why we may be seen as cold-blooded, purposely getting rid of people; however, sometimes it just happens as we are not good at being ‘needy’ all the time, nor do we feel the need to stay connected with people occasionally – even if we do have each others numbers, Hotmail, Facebook, twitter, whats app etc. So people end up coming and…going for the most part, or we just end up disappearing.
Having said that, if there are people who we do not want to erase but have to (I call these people a distraction), we would probably fall into some feels, shed a single tear after we sorted out exactly what we were feeling and then move on with our lives.
Distracting people, for an easy example, can be people that are compatible enough with us to develop a romantic relationship; girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance, wife or husband – these people are hella distracting. These people have our attention and we will imagine and contemplate our future together. “That is good, you finally found someone worthy”, you say.
First of all, yes! It is great to find someone compatible with us. However, it is not great especially if we (you and us) have different priorities, commitments or are at different stages in our life or if we have things we have to either start or finish first. So when we get to the point where we become conflicted between that person and our priorities; logically, we would (with a heavy heart), we get rid of the distractions.
Nonetheless, erasing people may sound like a quick process, and it is, if we are getting rid of people who needs to go immediately. However, for the people who we built a connection with…lets’ just say figuring out our feelings in general is hard enough, so this scenario will take just as long, if not, even longer due to the fact how undeveloped our feelings are combined with all the reflection and reminiscing involved.
Do not get mad at us, if we purposely erase you then 85% of the time it is probably because you did something to devalue us or hurt our loved ones. Or basically, if you are just not a very nice person in general. As for the other people who we lose contact of (not on purpose), sorry, life happened.
To the people who we connected with but had to let go, please know that we have thought long and hard before our final decision – it is not to be taken lightly. Maybe we are not much to you but if you got to our emotions then that means we value you a lot (it is safe to say that it is frustrating when people will never understand what we, INTJs, feel in or head and in our hearts) – so the decision to let you go is annoyingly hard, even more so if we do not have many people with the same connections that we had.
Think of it as us relinquishing your hold on us.
Maybe we will get back to you, maybe you will get back to us, who knows. Time waits for no one, a lot can change in a year or in a day and so we could be potentially making the biggest mistake and regret of our lives – to an extent, we will know and acknowledge this fact, painful as it is.
“Life; throwing curve balls at you 1 ball at a time, 365 days of the year”
So after this blog, I hope that you found INTJs not to be as cold-blooded as you thought, we are emotionally conservative and just more logical about our purposes.
Now, have a little listen to this song – it is beautiful =^-^=
Geomeun Goyangi
***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***
INTJ:Break-The-Chain 
Reblogged this on The Goddess Toll.
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Thank you for openly publishing this on the Internet, I think more people need to know about how we function socially. They thought it was easy for us to move on, just because we can sturdily hold ourselves intact without spilling our emotions out (unless you provoke us, and this sturdy hold has been established after long periods of contemplation and wallowing-in-sadness episodes due to our less-than-capable ability to handle intense emotions) , but in fact we have decided not to look back (although we might relive those scars from time to time to remind us how it made us feel and how we should not repeat the same happening again in the future) and accept the reality that we will feel mentally more sane and balanced when we cut these ties. :)
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Hey Yuri, glad you could relate ^-^ Yes, I think a lot of people generalize themselves too much just because they are ‘typed’ within a specific group; to the point that they are willing to adhere to those ‘specific traits’ – it really makes us forget that we are all individuals. I have had feedback that this particular content made us look like we feel emotions more that we do and that after all this explaining, we are still perceived as cold-blooded. These comments are great because it shows us that not all of us are the same and INTJs (and everyone else for that matter) will always be perceived differently.
Sometimes INTJs are so engrossed in the ‘erasing’ process that it becomes way too complex; clarity of our mind is needed for us and for people who does not understand our actions.
Thanks for your comment Yuri =^-^=
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I’m an INTP who falls on the INFP side somehow… There’s this intj I believe taken advantage of me for two years, since all of you are just focused on yourselves, I’m not surprised actually. But it hurts so much because I loved him a lot but he just tossed me aside as a burden because he thought I’m not serious with my life. I can’t help it, I get distracted all the time by something and it’s so hard to focus. He says it’s a trouble for him to worry about me all the time so he wants me out of his life. I’ve always managed to put up with his need of space, spending time with his friends, basically everything that does not include me. The small part of his life he shared with me, I cherished it, yet why does it have to end up like this? He broke up with me three times now and last two times he only got back with me due to physical stuff, that he himself initiated, but now he won’t even pick up my call or send a text back…Why are INTJ males like that? I have an INTJ female friend who is lovestruck with her guy and won’t ever be able to leave him. When I think about the situation I’m in I just feel empty and have no hopes in life anymore. Yeah you guys can judge me however you want, I’m pretty sure you guys gonna think this girl is so whinny, but I just had to get this out. My friends have already tried their best to help me move on but I couldn’t and thinking of being forgotten about by him completely makes me feel miserable, I can’t even share this with anyone. Just don’t throw people that care about you like an object, just don’t, this don’t make you people superior beings. I hate myself for falling in love with an INTJ that doesn’t care about me. I hope I die
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I thought someone should acknowledge you, since the author pointedly didn’t.
I’m sorry you’re in pain over this person. Just because someone treats you as a burden doesn’t mean you’re a burden. It means you have a need they can’t find it in themselves to meet (by choice or capacity); that’s on them. Give your to heart to someone who has that capcity.
I was happy to hear you. Stop hating on yourself and hear yourself with that kindness.
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I feel you. I am ENFP girl and my INTJ boyfriend unexpectedly blocked me on WhatsApp, FB, IG and all traces of me for unknown reasons. I did not attempt to reach out to him for a month to give him space. After a month, he continues to ignore me. I was hurt. I love him so much and still hoping he would get back to me. But let us be positive. At least we had a place in their cold heart whom only reserved for selected people. I believe he still loves me but does not want to be vulnerable. The more he loves, the more he backs out. It was beautiful while it lasted and I will always love him.
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You just need 1 year without him. I swear u will be ok and u will understand he wasn’t the best for u 😉
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That is so accurate.
That is a very great post, for real.
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Thank you Kelly!
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“Be it friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, families or relatives (blood link holds nothing to us) – all are just as easy to erase as each other.”
Nice post. Just to reiterate, if the answer to the question: “Has this person been proven to be unable to provide value to me, in any of the dimensions I care about, at present or at any point in the future?” is “yes” then you will get dropped. Blood matters not.
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