INTJ – Self Control and Emotional Infliction

As a fellow INTJ, I highly value my self-control and willpower. On the scale of 1 (no control) – 10 (complete control); I would rank myself a 9 out of 10.

Self-control is needed all the time, to name a few:

  • Control of their life – this is a very important example, if we lose control of our life then the following examples spirals out of control;
  • Control their impulsiveness- buying products without consulting our brain and bank account regarding whether we ‘Need’ or ‘Want’ that item;
  • Restrain from addiction – addicting to chocolate, coffee, tea, nicotine, helium, drugs;
  • Restrain from bad habits – binge eating, binge drinking;
  • Psychological control – rationality, morality.

An INTJ without control – especially over their own life; can overtime render them lethargic, uninspired, suffocated, confused and pissed off. When INTJs get pissed off, they would hate themselves for not being able to contain their emotions. An INTJ without control makes them feel powerless; thus they would end up questioning their life and everything about themselves too.

When we lack directions in our life, we find it hard to distinguish what we really want out of life and who we are, who we should be verses who we want to be – what am I doing? where am I going? what are my hobbies? interests? passion? where is my social life? where are my friends? why am I alone? why do no one understand me?


Without control of our life, our self-control are out of the window – we end up wanting to just disappear.

Many INTJs have their weaknesses when it comes to being in control of their actions, no matter how great their willpower are – we are all humans after all…sadly (put your hand up if you want to be a weak weak human! :D “…not me”).


From this point on, I can only talk subjectively.

I take pride in containing my impulses and addiction free lifestyle. People find me weird for not being addicted to any beverages (mainly coffee) – in my mind, I do not get addicted; but I will purposely drink, for example, Green Tea or lemon tea constantly if I am either breaking out in acne, if I ate too much junk or if I am feeling bloated (TMI?…meh). I know that I am not addicted because I do not crave these beverages and I am very aware of what I am doing – I am not on auto pilot every 30 minutes to grab that so called ‘quick fix’ as I have ulterior motives for doing what I am doing.

However, these 2 years I do binge eat or eat unhealthily now and again if my emotions are unstable. As for Psychological control – I rate myself a strong 9.


You may think that these self-control have their perks, and they do; you can be your logical self at all times, but there is a major down side. Since our self control is so high, we cannot be as spontaneous as we want to be and we do not experience things that we want to.

If ever you see an INTJs bucket list, it could look like they have a split personality; my temporary bucket list ranges from seeing the Aurora Borealis to Sky diving.


Which brings us to our self-induced emotional infliction. Yes, we do not like drama, but we voluntarily impose psychological drama on ourselves, that is, if we ever allow ourselves to do so.

Since our self-control is near perfect, there are times where we want to ‘test our limit’ – to feel human. I am not talking about thoughts of suicide or inflicting physical pain on ourselves; as stated before, it is along the lines of psychological infliction.

Personally, as examples; there are times where I want to take up smoking just to see how hard it really is to quit, it takes 30 days to make a habit and to break a habit (so I have heard). I want to conduct this ‘experiment’ to  see how strong I am – “how hard can it be to quit smoking?”. Yes, I understand that the longer you smoke the harder it is to stop – this is just a mini experiment, I am not trying to kill my brain and livers.

There are times where I want to drink myself into obliteration when I fall into some problems/ feelings etc – I wanted to be intoxicated and to be able to let go…but I could not. My self-control, my consciousness and self-respect would not let me go, my restraint is too vocal.

There are times where I have a mental ‘hit list’ where I would gladly carry out, having watched so many CSI and having studied Criminology and Law in university, I can make someones’ death look like a accident – I do not mind shaving my fingerprints off.

It makes you think though, how screwed up we would be as an individual if our self-control were nonexistent.


So, with such high control, there must be some sort of emotional infliction to counteract ourselves – with the aim to feel more human; ironic, since we pride ourselves on our robot-ism and purposely drama free life. INTJs are quite the contradiction.

If you are an INTJ, do you get any thoughts whereby you want to do something to feel human or to test just how good your self-control are?

Non-INTJs, do you ever get these thoughts?

Let me know in the comments below – Geomeun Goyangi

geomeun goyangi mark

***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***



  1. Pingback: INTJ – Stress | INTJ:Break-The-Chain
  2. vzandria · October 29, 2016

    I know the experiment part, sometimes I push buttons on people just as a social experiment. I want to see what emotions play out in certain situations. I also put myself in certain situations just to see what emotions Ill go through. Yet I thought this was all just because I wasnt right in the head, or because of my abusive past.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · October 29, 2016

      Hey vzandria~
      These social experiments is just how we collect and expand our data. Since our minds are quite complex, we too want to know how other process their thoughts, what they think, how they react and what they feel – best way to find out is pushing buttons or just asking weird questions XD. Sometimes, it’s fun to ‘predict’ the other persons reactions based on the intel already gathered. It’s no wonder why we like observing people so much hahaha~

      We have the tendency sometimes of wanting to test whether we have full control of our minds since we spend a lot of time developing and understanding ourselves – when we have reached the point where we think we have mastered our own mind; there’s an urge to venture into a area that is new to us just to test ourselves with experiments that evokes attachment. Whether we act on it is another thing.

      Your past can have an influence on how you developed into an INTJ or at least assembled some traits that relates to the INTJ profile. I found that there are quite a few INTJ that went through traumatic events (or just bad experiences) which shaped their thinking (e.g disliking people etc). It’s interesting.
      Don’t worry, a lot of people are not right in the head either, which is why having morals, self-control and enough empathy is important to stop crazy shiz from happening XD


  3. Amr · March 25, 2017

    Oh god! As an INTJ who never met another INTJ in his life , i felt so alienated about having my “extreme” self control … not wanting to get addicted to anything as you mentioned ,and trying to test and thus improve my self control further! And i do agree and relate to everything you have mentioned …


    • geomeungoyangi66 · March 25, 2017

      Glad you could relate! It is a strange awareness to have about yourself, about wanting to test yourself without letting go of this intense self-control. It’s almost ironic in a sense as to how we can exhibit 2 thoughts that are on the opposite spectrum of each other.
      Maybe you won’t feel as alienated now since you now know that you are not the only one with such strange feelings/ thoughts =^-^=

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amr · March 25, 2017

        To be honest , i am kind of tired of this intense self control .Sometimes we have to let go so we can focus on more important things in our lives .So for me ,every year or so , i try my best to give myself a break from that self control for a month or less , just to have a taste of what im missing! And yesss, i dont feel as alienated now .I just want to make some alien friends and my life will be way better ;)


        • geomeungoyangi66 · March 26, 2017

          It is tiring, yet it’s such a blessing as well as you don’t get easily influenced by social factors that are present in today’s society (drinking, clubbing, sleeping around etc).
          I’m glad that you are giving yourself permission to ‘let go’ once in a while, which is very much needed!
          Hahaha~ well, alien friends or not, just be comfortable with who you are, let your weirdness shine and you’ll attract other weirdos with that light of yours :)
          Good luck Amr =^-^=


  4. anoyimous · September 15, 2017

    Max level of bad ideas :
    1) When reading things about cancer the idea of testing if I can handle chemotherapy came to my mind… twice.
    2) I had the feeling that I could handle trying heroin just one time and never touch it again until the end.

    People find me weird for a lot of things, but I know this is normal now. I just like to do things my way. If people does not find me weird sometimes I know that something is wrong.

    I already tried to let go sometimes, to do like the others says, but it didn’t went well. I know now that this extreme self control is not bad for me.


    • geomeungoyangi66 · September 15, 2017

      Okay, first of all, hi.
      Now, I need to say this, even though you realised that extreme self control isn’t bad for you (because it seems like you have acted out on some extreme tests, unless I misread your comment), I hope that you also don’t experiment with things that could permanently damage you. I know you like to do things your way and really, it’s your choice to do whatever you want of course, however, even if the ‘weird’ things that you do, do seem like the norm now to you…I wholeheartedly would say that going at extreme lengths is not okay. For example, sure, a lot of people do drugs and ‘lets go’ and it’s interesting to see how you would handle these things, but, it’s your body and your mind that takes the consequence of whatever you do. So please just be careful. Also, being normal isn’t bad (whatever normal is); your normal may be weird and your weird may be weird to others (if that makes sense). What is weird or normal is different for everyone, so, just be yourself :)


  5. Adit Batra · January 8, 2018

    As an INTj, I have let go in certain aspects of socialisation and bounced back very quickly. So I guess extreme self-control works for me


  6. Marcia · February 12

    Many people and probably every Feeler I’ve ever met, think I am weird. I’m an INTJ female, which makes me unusual. I have odd interests for a female. I have always been interested in abnormal psychology and criminals. I try to figure out what is going on in their minds. Well, I try to figure out what’s going on in everybody’s mind. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me, but now I see that there’s something wrong with everybody. Equality rocks!


  7. Seira Minako · February 16

    OMG I thought that there was sth wrong with my head when it always kept annoying me with those stuff and crazy ideas, like there are 2 kinds of people in the world is that me and the others. And I had self-awareness and self-control pretty high since I was at a very young age. Now I realize that ye I may not be normal, but I’m not alone too :)))


    • geomeungoyangi66 · February 16

      Yeah, I thought that I was weird too from a young age, until I started writing these blogs and BAM! Welcome to the magical community of the INTJ brain that seemingly only exists online (=°w°=;)


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