Your Calling: The Crippling Knowledge Of A Starry-Eyed Cynic

At first, this post was going to be another insight into my fellow INTJs personality – the curse of being both, contradictingly, a rationalist and an idealist; with most INTJ being stuck in a quarter life crisis, midlife crisis…or wherever you are.

There’s nothing more like having crazily high expectations because you know what you are capable of. With great expectations comes great…well, self-improvement; in general, you’ll find that the constant drive to morph yourself into your idealistic-self will come hand in hand with having high expectations.

One of the hardest things for INTJs is realizing that sometimes they have to fight away their own idealism because they know that they CAN do many great things; but being micro-aware of time flying by is limiting the INTJs greatness.

So in most cases, you’ll find an INTJ will learn many different things in an effort to see if they can turn something that they like doing or find interesting into something promising, flexible yet stable. The learning process along the way is interesting too, especially when you come out with a new set of skills at the end of it.

Personally, having pushed this awareness of time passing (and many other things) to the back of my mind and getting on with things; subconsciously though, there is this weird slow, underlying burn that sometimes makes me think, “what if what I’m doing yields no results” and “what if I miss or mess up other opportunities” etc.

Stating the above, INTJs are definitely not the only ones with a starry-eyed mentality. This topic was not on my list to cover, however, a friend of mine plucked this topic out of their fluffy brain and well…I can’t stop the hell thinking about it.

Whilst knowing that you are capable of many things is great and all…seeing endless possibilities in yourself pose a lot of ‘problems’.

For one, you won’t ever feel the need to be ‘settled’ OR ever know when to stop experimenting with life – even though you know that you ‘should’ settle down sooner or later and make a stable life for yourself; partner, family life, income, own a place etc (the whole shabam). Everyone has this need for settling down, it’s hardwired to the brain, the biggest question is WHEN.

When are you ready? When do you stop? When are you content?

Not only this, how do you know? and what if?

The problem with not knowing when to stop spurs on this ‘the grass is always greener’ mentality, consequently resulting in having too much to do in so little time that is your life span. It can get overwhelming sometimes.

(CODED)

There are so many options to choose that you may find that you never truly stop, only slowing down. If you are one of these individuals who implements goals after goals or have an extensive to-do list – ready to tackle the next thing after you accomplished something, regardless if it is bigger or better than your latest goals; then you’ll know that the feeling and knowledge of accomplishing something is such an interesting desire to own. Especially when you are doing something that YOU wanted to; there is this unquenchable thirst to do more, to be better and to accomplish more.

After all this though, the question is…”will you ever be satisfied?”

At the end of the day….what then? Sure, you’ll feel happy and satisfied that you achieved something, that you proved that you can do something that you knew you could anyway, that possibly your achievement could set you up for a nice and interesting life…but how long do you have left now?

Hypothetically speaking, what would your gravestone be engraved with? (those who wants to be burned to ashes, just work with me here, you still get a gravestone).

Even though you see endless possibilities in you, what do you REALLY want to experience or do? Regardless of success or not, what would you have want to have tried or experimented with in your lifetime? What do you REALLY want to feel or have felt in your lifetime?

What if life flies past you and in the end…you realized that you just wanted to be with someone (which is true for a wealth of people, in real life and on screen). To build and share your life with someone…to be content and happy. Not that you won’t be happy and content with achieving your goals, I’m talking about another level of contentment, peace, joy and adventure. However high or low this is on your priorities, just based on what I hear, have heard, seen and felt; I’ll consider loving another life form as a invaluable experience that is ranked just as high as the goals that are in place.

Although I am extremely slow to jump onto this “I hate you the least” express train, I’d single out that being with someone who accepts you and you accepting them is the yearn that most people reflect upon at the end of the day – it’s just a ‘little’ something money cannot buy. To be able to share and build memories with another that you value is quite something as well as knowing someone has got your back with open arms unconditionally is………I don’t know, you finish this sentence because my mind went blank.

***Ugh, why do everything that I talk about comes back to feelings and mushy stuffs…maybe my underdeveloped ‘feeling’ is more developed these days ._.***

Anyways, for most, it is hard to accept (or at least juggle) with the idea that you CAN indeed be settled and still be accomplishing what you want simultaneously. There will undoubtedly be compromises and sacrifices though because you can really only realize one prospect after the other; to be settled OR to achieve your blueprint (what you want to achieve before settling down). Until then, which would you have sacrificed the most?

Lets’ say that you are in your mid 20s and that you are going to live to 100 years, hypothetically, which sacrifice would or will take up 40% of your life?  and, was is worth it?

(I just remembered a you tube video that I watched years ago)

Now, if you are still confused with what I mean when I say ‘blueprint’, a blueprint simply just means that someone has set a pre-determined mental map of where they want to be (or attempt to be) in various stages of their lives; now this is where the phrase, ‘right person but wrong timing’ comes in. Unless you are the lucky few, having the right person at the right time simultaneously is rarely possible (but not impossible), despite this, if you have the right MENTALITY then you can turn the given scenario into a positive one; because there is NEVER a right time. Just the right YOU.

Everyone has different priorities but if you could juggle what you want to do equally (or close to equal) with ‘settling’ down then you are doing pretty good. Of course you’ll have to take into account other factors that influences your decisions. Granted, some decisions may not be by choice, but it is what it is and you’ll either have to make do or think of another way.

The bottom line is that you’ll need to realize that both is possible but both will also take time to accomplish – to live with endless goals and to settle down such as having someone with you along the way to build those journey of memories with. Whatever stages in life you are at, you’ll just have to be mature (mentality wise) enough to make whatever it is, work, or mature and wise enough to pinpoint why something won’t work and move on…or put something on hold etc.

With most things, having an open communication or even a compromise that serves both parties well will be a positive step in the right direction.

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Okay, to end this post; if you know and FEEL that a 9 to 5 job is not something you are destined to do……then what is the world calling out to you…what are you on earth to do?

I belief a lot of individuals are given a task to carry out on earth, you just got to concentrate. What do you want? what do you yearn to do? what makes you smile?; perhaps you were meant to leads others, to teach and to educate (valuable life lessons), bring irreplaceable emotions to someone (what a happy home really means), help others, to give (to help the world and those around you), making people smile, spreading and encouraging positive vibes. It doesn’t even have to be for others, what you were meant to do can just be for yourself – although technically speaking, if you are happy with whatever you are doing, you are doing it for yourself anyway.

Your calling is doing something that doesn’t feel like a chore whilst you devote hours to what you love doing. Your calling is being proud of what is engraved upon your gravestone. Your calling is one that leaves a legacy, a memory that you are proud to instill in someone, no matter how big or small.

As you have read, being starry-eyed will bring some form of problematic sh*t sandwich to you…you just got to figure out which one you don’t mind eating.

So, knowing this, have your list been cut in half with the most important listed at the top? Just know that nothing is set in stone until you die.

What do you want to do before you die?

Geomeun Goyangi =^-^=