Diary: What Is Happiness To Me?

08/08/2016

~Diary Entry~

So I watched the movie “Vanilla Sky” today with a friend – which I highly recommend everyone to watch.

A very quick moral of the movie from which I gathered.

“Our happiness is highly shaped by society, the world works like a manufactured system that is ruled by the media, social conditioning and materialistic upbringings which morphs people to believe what “true happiness” is. The projection of happiness, desire and goal of everybody by society is simple; you have to be good looking, be a person of high status, be rich, partying hard and finally, attracting and having sex with anybody that you desired. We are the byproduct of society who are privileged enough to be told what to do. However, although the above credentials were bestowed on the main character, the whole thing isn’t as great as you expect – quite the opposite. So, what is happiness? Well, that inner beauty is much more than what your outer shell looks like. That people need to feel what real love is, see what real friendship is as well as having someone that we can look up to and count on. That inner contentment is so much more than what society tells us what we need”.

I was asked what was Happiness to me…

A million thoughts and emotions flicked through my brain so fast that I couldn’t even say one thing that means happiness to me. Everything was so fast that it felt like a mini seizure was happening in my brain. I didn’t want to think into anything.

UNTIL I hit the pillow preparing to sleep. My eternal introspection reared its’ ugly head and I thought…what is happiness to me? (oh gawd -_-)

Although I’ve always thought about what makes me “happy”…I’ve never actually been able to put it into words or to pinpoint exactly what makes me happy. The most I can say is that…”as long as I love what I do then I will be happy”,  “as long as I can help the people I treasure find their much deserved break and happiness then I will be happy” and “being able to learn makes me happy”. Which is true for many many people and myself…but that’s about how “specific” I have always been about MY happiness.

Now? I think that I can finally go into more detail (otherwise I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t put some of my thoughts into writing or something).

Happiness for me is…

…being around individuals who makes me feel human. Who makes me breathe and brings out the vulnerabilities in me. Although I never in my life once cared about feeling the emotions that a “proper” human being does AND I still don’t as I don’t like losing control of myself but sometimes, happiness is not being so rigid and self-controlled all the time. So, finding individuals who has the potential to finally break me into a million pieces for whatever reason is humbling.

…finding individuals that makes me smile like I have never smiled in all my life.

…experiencing thoughts, emotions and feelings that are on the lines of…the “L” word as well as realising that I am not that effed up or guarded to make friends and build meaningful connections.

…being with like-minded people to connect with and being with individuals who accepts me for me.

…to find someone where I am comfortable enough to be pissed off around them, to be cranky, to laugh like crazy, to actually cry near them and to be my unapologetic-self around them (pooping rainbows, peeing sparkles and farting butterflies apply). *burps*

…being able to show individuals that I care for them and about them. That I will be their rock.

…seeing and knowing that there are still good people out there.

…seeing the people I care about be content and happy with their lives.

…pushing other people to do their best AND to be the best version of themselves even if I am not the best version of myself yet. To encourage people and to not get in anyone’s’ way of finding their own happiness even if I get hurt (somehow) along the way.

…inspiring and helping others and spreading my guidance and positive vibes whenever and wherever I can. To change people’s’ perspective and mindset for the better. To give people options that they didn’t know was possible. Ironically, despite not liking people…I find that I am smiling most when I can help people and make people smile and laugh – making people think positively about the negative.

…being able to rescue someone. Even if it is just one person.

…showing individuals that they are never alone. That I truly understand the misunderstood.

…being able to spend time with the most important individuals in my life. Time is so limited if you actually think about it.

…showering my handsome French Bulldog Spud with kisses and hugging him (as well as playing with his mouth flaps and poking his butt).

…seeing animals happy, being loved, helped and respected.

…seeing animals being given a second chance at life.

…fighting for a cause that I truly believe in and passionate about. Spreading awareness just like this post: Chinese Yulin Dog Meat Festival.

…holding a warm cup of herbal tea or hot chocolate whilst wearing an oversized jumper and sitting in front of the TV or laptop with a good movie on during a rainy day, colder months or after a hard day.

…having a fully functioning body.

…food. All the foods.

…my bed (or any bed…I just love to sleep).

…learning till death. I never want to stop learning. Period.

…experimenting with life and doing the things that I want to do or at least try to make my visions and ideas a reality; to test my limit and boundaries.

…knowing that nothing is ever too late but also knowing that we won’t live forever.

…knowing that I am capable of greatness even if only I can see it.

…acknowledging that I am both a dreamer and a realist – the ability to dream and ponder about life grants me the power to bring CHANGE.

Happiness to me is priceless and it is something that cannot be sculpted by anyone or anything. Happiness is a personal something that can only really bring us contentment to our soul for when we stick to our true happiness “goals”.

So I ask you. What makes you happy? What is Happiness to you?

(I have been enjoying this song a lot lately =^-^=)

Geomeun Goyangi