I really do not know how to tackle this topic, our feelings – just thinking about how to explain what INTJs feel when they are in a state of infatuation (or more) throws my thoughts out of sync; it is hard to put into words.
As you have read in my previous posts: INTJ – The INTJ Female., we INTJs do not let our feelings rule our minds and our decisions. So when people slowly creep into our feelings radar; we get quite surprised (believe me, we do not get surprised by anything – like I have always told myself and the people around me, “if pigs sprouted wings and started flying, I would not be surprised”).
Why are the thought of having relationships and emotions a pet peeve? Well, imagine being a robot for many years and then suddenly feeling human, “we have a heart?!” – Yes, it will catch any INTJ off guard.
However, to an extent, in the depths of our subconsciousness, without realizing, we may passively know that we like someone, and so once we have actually recognized what is happening, we have these moments of ‘epiphany’ which are not really an epiphany at all. Nonetheless, we still get alarmed by it.
So, when we have established that someone has got to us (feelings wise), we start researching about them – we do not like going in blind, there has to be some sort of logic as to why they are attracted to us and why we are attracted to them. So, we go into this mind frenzy whereby we gather data: what their date of birth is, year they were born, what their star signs means, what their possible personality type is etc (although we do not let the above information cloud our judgment – having some information is important to us in order to feel comfortable and in control).
After all this research, we will address our feelings, by trying to decipher them logically. We assess what this person does to us; do they make me better or worse? Do they balance me out as a person, what are their goals? What stages are they at in life right now? What makes them tick? What do they like and dislike? How committed are they? Are we compatible in the long run?
We also think on the lines of, “has this person really made such an impact on me? Do I like them more that I know or prepare to admit? I…think I actually like them…like like them, like really like them. Who am I? What did they do to me? How? What?…wait, when?”.
Yeah…our feelings and thoughts people.
Some of us may end up with a ‘blank feeling’ – the feeling whereby parts of your brain segregated itself from the other parts of the brain mentally and physically; we subconsciously (yes, without our permission), put up an invisible wall against our emotions and this persons’ physicality which leaves us feeling ‘blank’. It is crazy…I sound crazy, but it’s true.
So once we know that we are in the sh*ts regarding our feelings; we will go back to ‘normal’, I recommend you read this blog post to establish what I mean ‘normal’: INTJ – Signs We Like You
When someone practically give a robot life – although alarming, we will try to embrace this newly founded emotions of ours, we do not thank you for it though. You made us lose control of ourselves; we have become all too human, making us feel things that was hard to rationalise (yes, the ‘butterflies in our stomach’ feeling – although perfectly normal to other people, it is rather strange to us). Jerk……………………………………….just kidding :’)
***Side note: If you tricked an INTJ into hanging out with you…..well then, damn you***
***Oh, so you want tips on how to trick an INTJ into hanging out with you? Simple, try and find out what they like to do. Found out what they like to do? Maybe sports? Great! Now tell them, “hey, want to play [insert sport] this [insert day]? I have a membership at this gym, I go all the time”. INTJs cannot back out as easily, after all, we dug a hole for ourselves by telling you what we liked to do. Oh? INTJ busy? That is fine, just give them the dates that you are free and collaborate with them. INTJs do not like making false promises or to let anyone down so…you’re welcome.
P.S, I know that this works because…I fell into this trap myself (Sorry fellow INTJs…suck it up).***
Once you have tricked your INTJ and have now got them on a ‘leash’ – you may be wondering what an INTJ in a relationship would be like.
I will just touch upon on some examples lightly;
~ INTJs do not need anyone to take care of them, they just need someone to care for them (there is a difference);
~ INTJs will love you intensely without the need to be too hands-on;
~ INTJs will love only you, however, it may not be obvious as we are quite independent;
~ INTJs understand the value of personal space and alone time so we will not be needy;
~ INTJs will protect you; there is no such thing as a double standard in our house;
~INTJs do not need to be showered with gifts; just doing something practical for us or buying for example, our favorite chocolate out of the blue is enough;
~ INTJs will be your soulmate; even if we seem distant in a relationship – if you ever come to us or need something; we will be there for you, left right and centre.
Read my blog post for how much an INTJs love means: INTJ Female – Our Love, Promise and Forever
Now to end this post, here is a overall ‘fun’ summary as to what really REALLY happens briefly in our brain when we like someone;
- Get a “feeling”
- Greet this “feeling” with great confusion, suspicion and analysis
- Ignore the “feels”
- Ignore it some more……
- Finally rationalize the “feelings” that are still bloody lingering about
- Rationalize it some more everyday and everywhere
- Attempt to low-key ignore it once the ‘reasons’ behind this feeling is uncovered, or, just low-key ignore it because it’s been a distraction for way too long – somehow, the mind is subconsciously doing its’ thing rationalizing and internalizing the feels whilst throughout the day, images of the said person flashes in your mind (so much for ignoring it, brain).
- Suddenly get completely bowled over by the “feelings”sudden intensity…
- Attempt to ignore or hide it away
- Cannot take anymore of the “feels” and admit them to yourself…grudgingly
and…then the following might just happen;
- Pretend that all is good in the hood whenever you see said person
- Actually admit your feelings to that person in a moment of ‘weakness’ with frenzied frustration whilst being conflicted as to why you are feeling this way as well as not being able to control your tsunami of emotions
- Sweep the whole confession under the carpet the next time you see this person in an attempt to pretend that it never happened…unless they bring it up…
…regarding whether the feelings mutual or not, you’ll bet the following weeks will be awkward because the INTJ will be pretty much figuring a way as to how to function with being with (or without) you whilst ‘dealing’ with the still intense emotions – most likely we are still questioning ourselves as to why we felt this way so strongly even though we somewhat know why.
Now you see why it’s a pet peeve? There you have it, just one of our pet peeves hopefully explained.
***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***