Diary: ‘Ants’

27/08/15

~Diary Entry~

I estimate that 87% of the world population are Ants.

What do I mean?

Well, I had this ‘epiphany’ whilst I was on my way to work.

Just another normal 9-5 office job, nothing that I am interested in at all but it was a job that actually paid well (although the traveling pretty much sucked out the perks of my salary).

So, I would get up at 07:00 and drag either my sibling or my dad to drive me to the train station, after the train ride, I would take the taxi to work; then after work (since I do not feel comfortable asking people for a ride to the station), I would walk 50minutes from my work to the station. This was for the first few months and I was pretty much losing 1 day of my  salary earnings out of the 5 working days – not to mention losing time; I practically come home at 19:30. It didn’t end there, I get stuck into my second job.

You might be thinking, why not take the bus? Well, the times that I managed to catch the bus I ended up 15 minutes late to work. The earlier bus means that I am still on the train OR that I have to get up earlier.

Why not walk to work? You know the way. Well…I did, for the rest of my contract; needless to say, I got up super early and dragged my poor soul of a family member to drive me to the station etc etc.

It was during my 7th walk to work in the morning that I started noticing more and more people around me walking to work on an array of bicycles, scooters (yes, scooter), skateboard and motorcycles; yes, if you noticed, our place of work is quite rural.

Then, after noticing all these people around me, it struck me that…we resembled ‘Ants’ or ‘Sheeps’.

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Society has successfully warped our priorities and turned us into an army that works for someone else; for the sake of money, for the sake of living. We have become numbed, this was our routine…the only thing we know and is probably the only aspects of our life that we can control fully. You get up, travel to work and go home to eat and sleep.

My job turned me into an automaton – I would wake-up, work, work some more, eat and sleep; this was my cycle and it was so hard to break out of it. It was stressful being so aware of what was happening to me (I mean, in the beginning I was already aware of what was happening subconsciously but this epiphany just made my brain form a hand and slap itself…basically, I blew myself away).

***Side note: I have so many ideas in my head that I always vowed to make them a reality by making a start on them after work. It never happened. The only time I could make a single dent in my ideas was on the weekends from 10:00 – 13:00. My schedule was so tiring that 90% of the time I slept right through till 12:30.***

Henceforth; I got so agitated at myself and at my life that I went a bit Bipolar. My moods were either agitated, annoyed, flustered, unforgiving, tired or pissed off and I would be so aware of my actions and emotions taking a toll on my family that…I furthermore got annoyed at myself for being pissed off. I could not tame the ’emotions’, I could not switch off my b*tch of a face even when I wanted to.

My entire being detested my job, my uncontrollable emotion and my brain for having so many ideas and interests – “what am I doing with my life?”. I have never been so unbalanced with myself and with my life.

I was in the throes of social conditioning and routine that I couldn’t break away from. So, I ended my work contract.

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I take comfort in knowing that we do not all have to be another ‘Ant’. We can be Entrepreneurs, we can be our own boss, make a company or be in a job that we are truly passionate about.

So I ask you; what are your criteria for job hunting?

For me, it really is about happiness and passion when it comes to a job; it always had been until the jobs I wanted were either not hiring or needed experience. So I went with my other job interests but weeks became months and I was still unemployed – I nabbed up the first job offer (have you ever noticed that whenever you have a job offer or when you have planned something into your calendar that other opportunities tends to pop up? What is that?! geez).

 

Are we living or are we trying to live?

 

 

I hope you took something away from this diary entry, catch you later – Geomeun Goyangi

geomeun goyangi Complete

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4 comments

  1. Pingback: Human Needs; Strip It All Back | INTJ:Break-The-Chain
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  3. nidhiee2nids · April 14, 2016

    Only you could write this I am so convinced. I am in this exact same dilemma. Quit my job due to exploding ideas & interests. Never liked it but did it to earn a living. And living a very basic non-luxury life for 7 months into this change, I am at a path where I want to pursue my passion where I won’t earn at the same time want to take up a job where my task list is set by my boss and I get a credit at the end of every month. I know the rational answer it to pursue studies which I am passionate about and give another 2 years to it which is not accepted in our society for a female and the pressure to not be a burden on parents is large enough. By heart I am not what society believes in a “Conventional Living”. What would you advice if you don’t mind? How can I balance my life? Take job in dawn and pursue my dreams in dusk or focus on one thing?

    Like

    • geomeungoyangi66 · April 15, 2016

      When I quit my job, all your questions which you are currently experiencing went through my mind too. What I found was that you do not have to study at a university or go back to college for most subjects (that is unless you are looking at becoming a part of a major profession) – it really depends on where your interest lies; you can find a lot of resources that caters for your knowledge and expose you to experiences, ideas. Self-learning is one way to balance out your life if you are in a job still – the notion of leveraging comes in; are you balancing your time wisely? Don’t forget your needs, most of the time, when people are in pursuit of something, they forget to take care of themselves.
      I am unemployed (besides helping out at my parents), which means that I have just enough free time to do some of the things on my ‘list’. Granted, the burden on my family is not great (although they don’t mind it) and so I am job hunting. So if you do become unemployed (please don’t quit on a whim, I am just looking at different viewpoints XD), you can balance out your life a bit better by job hunting and doing what you are interested in at the same time (as well as earning a bit of money) – we all have a different scenario though, maybe you do have a family business to fall back on, maybe you don’t; this is an important point to consider too.
      Also, how urgent are your interests? Maybe prioritize each one to get a clearer image and timeline.

      I hope the above helps a bit Nidliee2nids – if I think of anymore (which I do most of the times once I send a message) then I might write a blog on it – stay tuned! =^-^=

      Liked by 1 person

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