INTJ and ENFP – Blurred Lines

Before I begin, I am not oblivious to Bisexual, Homosexual and Asexual partnerships/ friendships (there are probably many many more other types of relationships). However, this blog post will be aimed at discussing Heterosexual relationships/ friendships. Maybe you will find that you relate to the following content, maybe not; do feel free to leave constructive comments/ criticisms. =^-^=

EVERYONE is entitled to love in any way shape or form.

Now lets’ begin.

There are many many searches made on Google and within other social media groups whereby INTJs solely want to find ENFPs and ENFPs solely want to find INTJs. Via experience and research; this ENFP and INTJ match works, to an extent – after all, opposites attract.

Why does it work to an extent? Because I cannot help but think that this match does not differentiate gender needs. For example, a ENFP female may be perfect for an INTJ male but an INTJ female may not necessarily be great with an ENFP male.

Let me explain why: to begin with; let us have a breakdown of the ENFP personality shall we?

  • Mind: Extroverted (E) – Although being extroverts whereby their batteries are charged via interacting with people – ENFPs however, need to also gain energy via alone time (ENFPs are ‘closet introverts’, whilst INTJs are ‘closet extroverts’). They need a moment to reflect on what they have done so far and what other things they want or could do. When socializing, for ENFPs; there is a difference between being around people who likes to get drunk for fun compared to people who likes to talk about life and its endless possibilities – whilst getting drunk.

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  • Energy: Intuitive (N) – ENFPs decisions are based on unconscious information gained through experience, reflection, people, movies etc – ENFP can prove to have really strong viewpoints and values whereby they can become influential by utilizing their innate social skills – slowly, people will see the validity of an ENFPs beliefs. Through gentle and enthusiastic coaxing, peoples’ minds are opened.
  • Nature: Feeling (F) – Although ENFPs are feelers whereby they value harmonization between friends and families; a lot of ENFPs do not express their feelings which could make them seem detached (in reality, ENFPs like to have intellectual discussions, debates than to express feelings). Nonetheless, ENFPs likes to be loved by everyone without feeling the need to change who they are – most of the time, their personality really do not have to be compromised, as naturally, they are a ‘people person’ and so people warm to them unconsciously – even INTJs.
  • Tactics: Prospecting (P) – ENFPs are independent and optimistic individuals who make things HAPPEN, that is when they follow through with their visions, they are also good at spotting opportunities – as indicated, ENFPs can be easily distracted and they tend to procrastinate (that is until they compile a ‘to do’ list hours before a deadline – their productivity now will be intense). ENFPs are flexible and spontaneous with the mindset that there is always something better out there than what they already know; they are on a ‘quest’ to develop themselves and to grow as an individual – consequently, ENFPs can become bored…FAST.

,,

At first glance, we INTJs would have probably dismissed a vibrant individual as just another extroverted person – that person may seem like a nightmare and we do not want to talk to them. However, when we focus on that person; they may be more interesting than we first assumed…an ENFP?

As for ENFPs; a quiet person to them probably just look like an emo, in a corner, being anti-social…an INTJ?

lm

Anyways! Now that we have SOME of the ENFPs personality nailed down. Lets discuss the pros and cons of this ENFP and INTJ combo regarding their friendship/relationship:

~CONS~

(yes, lets’ get the “bad news” out of the way first shall we?):

~ INTJs and ENFPs both value alone time and both are very independent (although INTJs are more independent). Okay, I feel the need to indicate the 2 different types of independence here:

  • INTJs independence: INTJs independence means that we are fine being on our own and doing things on our own (nothing to do with the outside world);
  • ENFPs independence: ENFPs are independent regarding the outside world; socializing and exploring what the world has to offer.

Now that the difference is cleared up – the relationship seems balanced and sounds great right? Well, over time, the relationship could grow distant. ENFP, although understanding of INTJs needs, may feel neglected when an INTJ does not show enough affection or ignore ENFPs needs for support and interaction; consequently, the ENFP would feel that they are not needed enough to stick around. On the contrary, ENFP may impose too much human interaction and emotional needs than an INTJ has prepared for.

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(Checkout ‘Lovebyte’ pictures – they are cute~)

~ INTJs priorities surrounds the logical areas of a relationship whereas ENFPs concerns are within the personal ‘needs’ areas of a relationship – so again, over time, their different priorities could grate on each other if they were to not acknowledge the problems (it does not help that both types have a tendency to be passive aggressive).

~ Having stated the above, INTJs feel the need to be more compassionate and sensitive than they want to be whereas ENFPs may feel the need to become more ‘mature’ or logical/ serious than they already are or want to be – the freedom to be themselves are hindered due to INTJs high standards of peoples’ rationality whilst ENFPs needs to give and receive sensitivity.

~ INTJs may think that ENFPs lack commitment due to their sporadic interests for making new friends and adventure additional to their outlook on life, “…somethings could be better”; this gives INTJ lack of stability, certainty and comfort. Just as well, INTJs grounded and mundane routine can bitter an ENFP – both would feel just as suffocated, tired and caged.

~ ENFPs spontaneity, although exciting at first, could annoy an INTJ with a well made pre-plan; INTJs do not want their deliberate foreseeable structured plan to be blown out of the water in the last minute – here, INTJs may seem controlling and predictable whereas ENFPs will be seen as illogical and irresponsible.

Having stated the cons; INTJ males may not be as bothered by these traits in a female ENFP; ENFP females make life exciting and colorful whilst INTJ males provides ENFP females with stability and trust etc.

As for INTJ females with ENFP males; ENFP males may not be as appealing due to the lack of stability (psychological and financial wise). Consequently, INTJ females may choose an INTJ male; that is not to say that all INTJ males provide stability nor are all ENFP males lack stability that an INTJ female needs. In fact, some INTJ males may dabble with career choices here and there and some may even have ‘open relationships’ due to the avoidance of feeling ‘trapped’ by anything; only to feel ready to settle later in life.

However, that is not to say that INTJ females and ENFP males could not work – it is down to the individual who is open-minded enough to make an effort (out of love) to better the relationship. You may find that both parties would put in effort just because they want to, also, it is logical to do so anyways; ENFPs love are contagious and their personalities are infectious. INTJs…I don’t know, their love is…just weird.

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~PROS~

~ ENFPs attracts INTJs because of their easy-going yet vocal outlook on life. ENFPs necessities to be a unique individual snowflake grabs INTJs attention. ENFPs acceptance of who we are as an INTJ is commendable. ENFPs aura of warmth radiates social ease, not only this, ENFPs mind and wits are so nimble that allows them to respond to people effortlessly is fascinating (we want to learn it!). ENFPs balances an INTJs core; we develop as an individual by learning with them and from them – dare I say, ENFPs make us more human and they make life more livable.

~ INTJs fascinates ENFPs because INTJs are mysterious, also, INTJs lack of effort and care to fit in topped with their aura that radiates justice and coldness intrigues ENFPs. It helps that naturally, ENFPs like to problem solve and so with an INTJs complexity, we already become interesting.

~ INTJs grounded personalities are capable of helping ENFP to focus on their priorities as well as developing them as a person, whilst ENFPs can lift INTJs off from their rational mentality from time to time – ENFPs helps INTJs to breathe.

~ INTJs appreciate the depth that an ENFP has; when INTJs realise that an ENFP, although being an extrovert with perfect people skills, when INTJs notice that ENFP show a level of preservation about showing themselves to the world; it makes INTJs happy to have a glimpse of ENFPs creativeness and perspectives on life.

~ ENFP and INTJs both common ground is their ability to imagine a world with endless possibilities – since they can both see ‘the big picture’, they are natural lifelong learners with the crave to know and understand the world more; both have the drive to develop themselves as an individual. Both types are equally as creative as each other.

livelonglearning edit

 

~  ENFP can be aware of the so-called ‘ripple effect’ constituting from certain actions too (just like INTJs); since they too can see different perspectives of a scenario and are also interested in how certain social relations work – this means that both types are able to make a connection intellectually – an understanding relationship can form from this point.

~ ENFPs and INTJs dry and dark humour goes well together. ENFPs sporadic displays of silliness, playfulness and quirkiness have INTJs intrigued – even more so when ENFPs display their bright intellectual side. Whilst INTJs random displays of affection and continuous display of seriousness and depth balances each other out well (by the way, INTJs really like ENFPs optimism!).

~ Above all, as indicated before; ENFPs and INTJs are by nature, both understanding and accepting of individualism, of each other.

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(ENFP = Kings and Queens of Puns)

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(INTJ humor)

Here, you can see why ENFP females are great companions for INTJ males. As for INTJ females, ENFP males personality are desirable here; it goes without saying that obviously the good traits of a person is always desirable – the thing is though; does the good points outweigh the bad points enough for a relationship to strengthen or to even proceed.

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In conclusion, ENFPs and INTJs are not as different as first assumed and having outlined all of the above; when an ENFP and INTJ are aware of their actions and understands what efforts are needed in a relationship to enhance the other persons’ life, then this power team of a relationship have the potential to become very strong. ENFP and INTJ balances out each other – there are no qualms about that.

 

Geomeun Goyangi

geomeun goyangi mark

***Please note that these blogs should NOT influence you to generalize that all INTJs, as a niche group, are all the same – because we are not; a lot of other factors shapes and individualizes a person.***

***Please also note that ALL personality types should not influence you to generalize that everyone are the same.***

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2 comments

  1. Shyla · December 15

    You have some great observations about female INTJs with male ENFPs. I’m a female INTJ married to a male ENFP, so I know this setup can be amazing, but I’m well aware of the challenges. My ENFP and I actually hated each other for years before we fell in love, mostly for the reasons you described. I used to favour INTJ males as love interests.

    And then the important thing happened : we both grew up. When I was about 23 and he was about 27 we both matured in our own ways. Basically, we picked up on our third and fourth functions more. I became more sensitive, relaxed, and interested in doing pointless things just for fun. He became more logical and self controlled.

    And voila! Hate turned into the perfect love match. We have been happily together for four years and our relationship continues to grow stronger.

    Another important point to making this work is that I score 100% intuitive on the tests. This reflects how I’m more interested in imaginative and creative things than some INTJs are. For example, I’m an English major and a musician rather than a scientist or an engineer. I still think like a scientific, but I’m terrible at math. I apply logic and the scientific mindset in other fields. I also have a thirst for travel and silly adventure. This all makes me a better partner for an ENFP male. It also helps that he’s a big nerd and gets most of his people time online, so I don’t have to keep up with an extrovert’s social schedule.

    So I think that the female INTJ and male ENFP thing can be amazing, but both parties need to be more mature and flexible than if the genders were reversed.

    Like

    • geomeungoyangi66 · December 16

      Hey Shyla~

      Hahaha~ I can imagine what a immature ENFP might be like! “Hate” is a strong word XD Maybe an immature ENFP is a less than ideal friend for us and it’s understandable coming from an INTJs point of view. I’m sure there was some good traits though.

      Yes, maturity ‘levels’ is indeed very important, if anything, it’s just as important as developing each traits; as you indicated, an INTJ who had a more developed ‘F & P’ and and ENFP with a more developed ‘T & J’ compliments each other greatly. As most things with age, maturity and development of ‘inferior’ functions will become stronger…or easily controlled shall I say :)
      It’s great that you guys gave it a shot AND at the ‘right’ moment too (maturity wise). To many many MANY more years Shyla!

      Interestingly, we’re quite alike – that I’m also horrific at maths and leans more towards the creative, music and language side of the spectrum AND as you said, the scientists mindset will be applied somewhere else. The way that we configure and approach things shouldn’t be knocked just because we do not display the ‘textbook’ INTJ strengths etc.

      Great comment Shyla and happy reading~ =^-^=

      Like

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