“These days people make enemies too quickly, see people as their competition too easily and are reliant on people for gratification, approval and validation too willingly”.
Generations of social conditioning via family, society and education instilled in us that in order to be happy and to gain peoples’ approval is by being better than everyone else and to be acknowledged for our triumphs. Better degree, better grades, better job, earn the most money, have the best materialistic necessities, better relationship, best boyfriend/ girlfriend, handsome/ beautiful other half, better looking than you, better body than you etc.
It is no wonder how warped our personality and outlook on life could get – the world is hard and everyone is out there to out-do you. You could be squished like a bug or overshadowed by your competitors and enemies.
Lets’ face it, most of our enemies are subconsciously decided by our brain just by acknowledging that person’ achievements; only knowing the surface level (initial judgment) of that person means that we only see the good in a person (or bad – but we are on the topic of a person you find worthy as our opponent; so unless your standards are quite low, lets’ just say that competition of yours has all the bells and whistles going for them).
Judging people is our second nature – can you honestly say you never thought that if a bearded man wearing a ripped woolly hat with ripped woolly gloves, ripped jeans with a muddy wind coat came up to you then it would be because they wanted to ask you for money? – see? you judged him already; he could have been a builder that just needed to walk past you but that didn’t stop you from taking a few steps back and looking the other way did it? However; if a woman with nice handbag, nice blazer, pencil skirt, high heels, free-flowing hair with beautiful eyes and a gorgeous smile – wouldn’t you jump to the conclusion that she is in a well paid job, have ounces of confidence and that the world is at her bidding? – the perfect enemy and competition. So you start hating her and you compare yourself to her and you already feel pathetic and out done by a complete stranger.
What you don’t know is that, maybe your competitor has underlying ‘problems’ just like anyone else – be it confidence issues, depression, skin issues, has a criminal history, was a bad student, personal problems or maybe they have recently just started to feel good about themselves etc – we are all human, we all have problems.
To evaluate a person as a worthy competitor so easily is not logical nor ideal. Now, of course there are people whose success is gleaned all over for the world to see; a worthy competitor indeed or are they? Surface analysis of a person is not always accurate as you have read.
Luckily though, there is a more worthy enemy and competitor than them or whoever it is you deem fit; that person is you.
Since we subconsciously approve people as our enemies and competitor – naturally, once we do something better than them, we are all too eager to get a pat on the back. We are like dogs; do something right then you get a treat or expect to get a treat. Why is it that in order to feel good, we need validation from other people to reinforce our actions and achievements? We too gladly want people to clap for our achievements, to be complimented, “well done” by other people (how many of those congratulatory are sincere?). Empty words and approvals shouldn’t be the objects of your desires – the only person your should impress is you.
Luckily, yet again; you are the only one that can earnestly give your mind stability and verification of self-worth;- be your own rock. Of course, we all have moments where we need some reassurances in life – after all, rocks can have cracks and with enough universal elemental pressures to erode the rock then it could split; but you are still a whole (maybe not together in one piece) but you have not disintegrated – do not become reliant on other people to make you feel good, but realise that you could do the same for yourself by acknowledging yourself. See it as this way, people in your life are just bonuses; you are the whole package.
Your No1 enemy is you – you are the one stopping yourself from accomplishing goals, you are the one thinking that you are incompetent, you are the one comparing yourself to others, you are your own enemy – the one and only enemy that is big and strong enough to beat your spirits down and squish you like a bug.
Read my blog post, ‘Demon’: https://intjbreakthechain.wordpress.com/2016/02/15/demon/
Your No1 competition is also you – why are you not being better than what you were yesterday? because you were too busy comparing and idolizing over other people you think are worthy of your envy and time. Why don’t you envy yourself, why don’t you approve and validate yourself as a worthy opponent – at the end of the day, you are in competition with yourself. Your competitors are not the ones that can see you waste your time thinking about how to crush other people. They are not the ones that can you see you waste a day doing nothing – they are too busy focusing on their own life. It is you that should pay attention. If you are not ready then the world will not be ready for you – if anything, the world will be against you to help you run into walls after walls.
Your No1 rock is you. The most sincere and privileged person to pat you on the back and to say, “well done” is you. You will have earned your own respect and reinforced your own validation; nobody knows what you went through but you. Be your own Therapist, your own Councillor, your own audience, be the star of your life – clap for yourself.
“…when was the last time you looked in the mirror, pointed at the person in the mirror and said, “I love you”?”
“…when was the last time you stared at yourself in the mirror and thought, ~I love your mind, you are my enemy and a worthy opponent, I will be better than you were yesterday~”
So before you compare yourself to other, before you approve of who your enemy and competitors are; conquer yourself first.
Before you tell anyone of your achievements, make sure you congratulated yourself first.
Love Geomeun Goyangi :)